Dominance vs Domineering (B.D.S.M context)

I believe like all things it is best to not generalize and paint all people as either dominating or domineering, because perhaps as individuals we possess a little of both and you can interchange him/ her where you see fit.

I am not a firm believer in the opinion that people are born to a particular B.D.S.M role because I do not believe all men are natural born leaders as I do not believe all women truly desire to submit. I think at any given stage of development in one’s life we can determine particular impact of social and familial influence in the way we are today; if we are not invested in the argument that we are born this way and distinguish between the pursuits of pleasure vs a sense of entitlement.

Is Bob the way he is because he was born that way or because of the influence of his father and mothers relationship and his social circumstance? (I am not speaking about sexual orientation)

I was not born a dominant woman but in a sense made; my family placed value on particular qualities while attempting to extinguish others. They went about this sometimes with logical lessons in consequence, with physical punishment and reward and forgiveness. My mother’s version of parenting differed from my grandparents: spankings & humiliation from my mother but discourse & example by my grandparents. My mother was domineering and my grandparents were dominant and as a child the consequences and rewards with my grandparents were clearly defined but my mother’s reasons seemed arbitrary/exaggerated compared to the offence.

Only once I was removed from my family and on my own was I able to become my own person based on their foundation and if you know anything of structural stability it is hard to change/remove a foundation stone without the right amount of support and not have the whole wall come crashing down. I can explain the impact of social relationships or cultural situations that were in opposition to the environment and philosophy in which I was raised but had a part in who I am today.

As a dominant woman I am attracted to dominant men when it comes to companionship but as a dominant in B.D.S.M I of course seek out the submission of a person. Do I believe there are dominant men that submissively submit to women sexually? Yes I do and to do so does not make them any less a dominant person.

I see a dominant person as someone with confidence in life including sexual role even if they happen to be at the receiving end of a whip. They are not easily intimidated by people who might appear to possess more knowledge, different opinions, or are in a role of power because they too possess qualities others do not – a clear sense of self and able to see their qualities balance things out in a relationship: be it professional, social, personal or a part of a team or in B.D.S.M.

They often surround themselves with other dominant people, again socially or professionally because they are not only invested in having their support but giving it to others as well: so a B.D.S.M dominant is going to have both Dominants and submissives around. I have found them to be extremely sensible intelligent people, not always degree on the wall smart, but not humiliated or offended by acquire knowledge from other people. Most importantly a dominant person is going to possess their emotions and own their actions, even if this means they must admit fault, we all have bad days but you will not hear a dominant person always blaming someone else for their problems.

A dominant person is rarely going to come to physical force, I think a dominant person knows when to take the lead and when to let someone else be in charge and not have it be at the expense of someone’s failure with the intention of proving themselves right, stronger, or better: they will always have your back even when you find yourself tied up and their mercy. They are often going to treat others the way they wish to be treated and walk away from a situation or person they know is irreconcilable.

I do however believe that both genders are cable of confusing domineering with dominance.

Domineering has a negative association for me as it should for most people, because it is associated with subjugation: to force someone to submit to their control. The idea that they are at all times and in all things in a position of power over someone and are always the one in charge: often with the use of humiliation and or physical force.

Do I think it is domination when someone is subjected to physical force out of frustration because the other person views their actions or opinions as incorrect? No. I think if the intent is to have someone give up or submit for the other person by means and use of force to achieve superiority is in fact contrary to B.D.S.M domination.

Do I think a submissive woman can be domineering? Yes I do.

Discourse is often one sided or difficult because they are unable to accept or appreciate another person’s opinion, especially if it is different than their own; they will often be the first to utter threats of violence or superiority over others when the debate is lost. They often take personal slight by something as simple as the waitress getting their order wrong: it is often as though they create or seek out a situation in which they then can then justify their authority by making it a win or lose situation: they being right of course. And they will not stop talking about how they are justified in doing so!

I notice they are often surrounded by people or a person they can push around if they even have someone around: they see admitting wrong doing as weak. Rarely will they give someone accolades instead quick to point out how it is they could have done better or how they themselves would have achieved a better result. They always have a list of rules and are quick to tell you ‘how things are going be’ but are not subject to their own ‘rules’ or expectations of composure.

Now some people will express the view that domineering people are insecure and lack the ability to love or even trust themselves let alone others: I have not stuck around long enough to find out. I have met a few ‘Masters’ that believe it is their natural role as a man to be in power over a woman or because they are domineering they feel Master is a natural fit and it has nothing to do with B.D.S.M, but I have also met with a few ‘Mistress’s’ that use this role for self-gratification and a means to justify their less desirable qualities in a superior role and how they treat other people.

“manipulated dominance enhanced only a man/woman’s sexual attractiveness and not his/her general likability” is a great quote to remember and further proves my opinions that some people will use whatever means, even B.D.S.M, to get and justify what it is they want and believe they are entitled too: love, power, control, belonging and at sometimes at the cost of others.

Quoted from an online blog : “ It’s easy for men to scorn women. We see women as physically weak, easy to intimidate, bound to the menial tasks of motherhood, emotional, illogical, and often petty. We see them as temptress; in desire we idolize them and parade them across the pages of magazines, yet we scorn and hate them for their commanding sexual power over us. Male scorn for women affects every aspect of our lives: our relations with our mothers, our girlfriends, our secretaries, our wives, our children”

I suppose equally as easy for a woman to scorn a man as sexist, pleasure driven, always thinking with his cock first, lacking empathy or emotions towards women. We see them as oppressors, cheaters, the ones who were born with certain liberties simply because of their gender. They are not subject to the rigorous pressures and standards of beauty, weight, youth and sexual experimentation they place and often demand/expect from women. A woman’s disdain for men can also affect every aspect of her life: her relationship with her boss, her father, her son, her partners and lovers but worst of all is the effect her relationship with men has on her relationship with other women.

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