When you’re the one that knows better


My grandmother once told me that men and women cannot truly be friends without a way to handle sexual tension: so I have fucked friends before and gotten over the whole ‘sex’ thing or I have made things uncomfortable with being straightforward. Most guys can handle being told ‘it’s never going to happen’ because I believe that somewhere they truly do hold on to hope and there are those that can in fact handle friendship. Not everyone is the same and I get that but playing ignorant or ignoring someone’s inability to deal with the facts is on me. Some guys assume because you are married and fucking other people that you will in fact fuck anything – them- and it’s my pleasure to remind them that is not the case.

MO is a great guy, he’s been my acquaintance for years – and because I tend to have a dirty sense of humour and I am a big flirt it is my talent for truth that I rely on with him.  Recently I made a purchase though him and jokingly he offered to let the item go for free if I had something to barter with. We laughed, of course I paid for my item but that however did not stop the offers of more bartering: for sex.

The list is small of things I am willing to fuck someone else for and though he is not repulsive and I do like him, his insistence on a sexual relationship with me, though I have on several occasions made it clear it will not happen, is wearing thin. Sure he could just be yanking my chain and playing around, which is fine, I get it, but at what point do I say ‘okay hes not so much joking anymore’ because I do not want to lead him on. I am a married woman so it’s not as though I am single so I am only willing to have the ‘talk’ with him about this so many times.

He asked me out for new year’s eve, and I haven’t gone out for new years since getting married, the offer was tempting but I had to look at who was offering. Would I go out if there were a group of people? Certainly! But I had to put aside my desire to go out and say no. He then offered to come over with some ‘wine’ and talked about a fire outside … and that was when once again I had to have the talk.

Hey, if you want to come over and shoot the shit that is great, my house is inviting and you are welcome but I would hate to let anyone down if they think they are coming over for sex when that is not what I am offering. The reminder usually takes them by surprise and they of course say ‘that is not why I wanted to come over’ but they either get the point or they don’t: they move on and make other plans or insist we are friends. He insisted the company was what he wanted.

How do you balance the fact that some people just get lonely through the holidays and like you as a person with the nagging feeling he is really after something else? He is a nice guy in that when we meet up we talk up a storm, we have a lot in common but for me the sexual element is not there so it is really on me to say no to him, because I know better – I know that the ‘gifts’ of wine, food, and company can come with an expectation, it’s in everything he says and the way he looks at me and though he might be lonely I am just not into false advertising.

I was always amazed at some of my girlfriends’ ability to trade with men: car work for sex or something like that. I am not saying they are dishonest, if the mechanic knew the deal and my gf offered it as a price paid. I guess with MO it is the idea that he might be using the friendship card as a bargain, and in that case it is a ‘friendship’ I am willing to take as loss when I say no.  There is a line there with him, and I have made that clear, but no matter how you explain it to someone you cannot make them accept it or believe you – the only thing you can do is police yourself, because you are the one that knows better.

He drove into town and as of now my counter offer of his welcome to visit stands, we will see if he takes it, with caveats and all.






2 comments on “When you’re the one that knows better

  1. kdaddy23 says:

    This is a tricky thing to pull off because, yes, you can fuck a friend (and have big fun doing it) but there are just some friends you can be close to and you just know that having sex with them would be a very bad thing to do… and if you really know them, you also know exactly why it would be very bad.

    I’ve had female friends ask me why I never asked – or even hinted – to have sex with them. It wasn’t that I didn’t find them desirable enough to screw and it wasn’t as if I weren’t free to have my way with them. My whole thing with them was to disprove the myth that you can have a woman as a friend and not screw her and that not every man who wants to be a friend wants to use that as a smoke screen to get into her panties; men have a bad enough rep with women as it is without this stupid shit. I’ve maintained that, sure, we can do this and I’m prepared to deal with the consequences of my actions… but are you? When they find out that they really aren’t, the problem of sexual tension goes away. I can flirt with them (and with the best of them) and it’s all good, clean fun that says, at least to me, that I can be friends with you without having to fuck you.

    And it works… for me. Sure, I’ve had to tell women that, yes, I’d love to fuck you because, um, I am a guy but, no, I value you more than just sex. I’ve had friends and we’ve had to resist that natural pull to have sex; we acknowledge that we feel the pull but just because we feel it doesn’t mean we should – or have to – give into it and, yep, we’ve had fun just talking about how much damage we’d do to each other in the bed and that’s as far as it goes.

    Sadly, there are a lot of guys who aren’t so, um, evolved and still feel that befriending a woman is just a prelude to doing her doggy style somewhere down the road…

    • Pyx says:

      You are right, there are just some friends you dont want to mess up a good thing with. Sexual tension might be there, the thought, or even an odd flash of desire or two – all very natural in my opinion.

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