A: Oh I am kinky at the grocery store, my husband says I am all shades of ‘wrong’ but I am going to take it that you mean how I go about deciding who I am going to work with in a kink relationship? If not just let me know…
First of all I do not fuck what I beat, so my working with someone and their kink or fetish is clearly defined from the start. I was trained at 18 in medical fetishes via a lovely German couple, but I would say that in the past 15 years or so (thank you internet) I have had men associate BDSM/Domination with sexual penetration. So first I make sure they not only understand I am not fucking them but I mean it.
I then look at the particular potential of what they have to offer me: they should complement me and my abilities. If I am not into something particular I do not do it – I don’t force myself because they want it: I don’t step/kick guys in the junk. I like the more challenging aspects of kink. Example would be: the CBT device (cock ball torture) the plastic ones do nothing for me, the metal ones with spikes do. I am that specific.
I then look at physical and mental wellness, this is important for me because it is not only determined on what they tell me (and they could not tell me everything) but is really where my skill at reading people comes in. I can usually tell after the first meeting if it is someone I am able to work with long term. I do not think that BDSM is the only sexual venue where mental illness comes in, it is important to dating, friendship and all our associations but when you work with people who have some serious desires or a particular fetish you sort of have to sit back and become therapist. Sounds odd I know. I’ve been with someone that had a heart attack so trust me when I say health matters: you want to be suspended from a rafter but can’t even walk four blocks – it’s not going to happen with me.
I prefer long term and never do one time things: what I do evolves with commitment. I think it is great someone out there has a fantasy and they want it to come true but it is rare that a first time meeting is going to see that fulfilled: it is difficult to live up to a fantasy. So I look for commitment and prefer people who are realistic when it comes to potential outcomes.
I work with both men and women, and have worked with 4 couples in the past, so gender isn’t an issue for me just as long as they are available and actively seeking to work at this too. I prefer intelligence over ignorance, I prefer to have someone that isn’t out there just giving it up to just anyone, doesn’t matter if they have experience or not – really depends on the person.
Hope that answered your question,