Growing up, the internet didn’t exist for me, it came into the home when I was in my twenties and by then I had pretty much resolved most of my sexual curiosity: certainly there were ‘things’ I had never seen with my own two yes before, but it wasn’t that hard to find pictures, read about it or find a movie. Now it is all just out there, waiting for me to go looking for it and it’s international and it appears to have no impact on what I do.
If I took dirty pictures, the film was either processed in my own dark room or sent away to Montreal to be developed, I did have a Polaroid for this as well, but then came affordable digital cameras where with great ease I was able to take pictures, save them on my computer, scan an image, or print it out myself. Even better than all this, is now every phone, iPad and personal device comes with a camera, one doesn’t even need to plan the event of taking picture or video it is right at our finger tips.
My first ever homemade video was with a good old Panasonic home recorder: the thing had a microphone protruding front and center top, a bright spot light, was pretty much shoulder mounted, and all you needed to do was slip in a VHS tape after you charged the huge battery for 10 hours. VHS beat out Betta because the porn industry went with VHS, same as Blue Ray vs HD DVD, but the internet seems to be the leading venue in which to view homemade porn because now even you can be a porn star! Me? I never did want to be a stunt cunt.
I was 17 and my bf CH decided to put the camera on his desk, in his bedroom and record us having sex. This was a terribly risqué thing for a young girl to do, but I was pretty liberal with my boyfriends and was up for the adventure. Of course he told me it was only for him to watch but I would never have done it if I believed him: I knew, and expected, in fact hoped, he would share it with his friends. What I did not expect however was his father seeing it. That tape was ripped into tiny pieces, burned and scattered around town by my own hand.
My husband has a box in the closet where there are some homemade videos of him and other women: he has never shown them to me. They are just there, I have no idea the last time he watched them, and I am NOT nor have I asked him to get rid of them – they are his to do with as he pleases, if I still had my VHS I wouldn’t get rid of it, in fact I often lament the loss of my younger tight body self and wish I had more pictures left. I certain have no regrets.
There are no videos of me and my husband together: he became strangely self-aware that having reached a certain age he didn’t want to see himself do certain things naked. This was a great disappointment for me, one of my attractions to him had to do with his voyeuristic nature, but you can’t force a horse to drink water. I do have video of me and other people: I have not shown them to my husband. There are to my knowledge NO videos of me online.
I am ‘mum’ to two beautiful, terrifyingly intelligent, young ladies: my nieces. You can rest assured as soon as they received their first private PC in their rooms with internet access we had ‘the talk’. All too quickly young women’s images were being posted and shared online, with or without their knowledge, but schools, jobs and families were imposing some strict consequences: one girl was denied her university grant because a google search led the dean to a sex video; another denied entry to a law firm. Female students were being ‘video bombed’ at the local university in the toilets by young men and video phones. The whole thing was getting out of control, but what do you expect when you give monkeys toys to play with. Girls were sending photos of themselves, using it as evidence against each other and horrible stories of girl on girl violence were common in my girl’s school: as if being a teenager isn’t hard enough.
The only thing I could do was arm them with the knowledge, the risks and potential consequences while reminding them: just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
SML just got a new iPad and he wants to take video. I don’t want to be a prude but I ended up giving him the same speech I gave the girls. I am a married woman first of all, he is not my husband, I am also involved with someone else who does have his own career that I keep in mind but really – technology is driving the fantasy not the person. Just because of the new iPad we should? I wasn’t sold on the idea and I told him so. The reality is, I hardly know ye – and that’s an important deciding factor.
I post my picture in my blog, face and body, without shame: these are my words and I stand behind them, and my images that I chose to post myself. I retain a strange, albeit sometimes false, sense of control over the matter: there are many things that will never appear in my blog images. I have been blogging for over 15 years I know the consequences but I am not ashamed of being a healthy sexual being and talking about it. I know they could be taken or used without my permission but none of them are of me in the act and as you can see, most of them lack any sort of real vulgarity: I can write about the act but I can also write that I have a tail and wings.
I enjoy pictures and video and I am not knocking anyone out there that does so freely and openly either: trust me, I think its great you post videos of your gangbang, because I am the one watching them. I just know for myself, I don’t ever want to click on a video clip and see my girls, my dad or my mother – unless she was being ass raped by a band of rabid monkeys – nor do I want them to see me that way either. I am not being stuck up, my family has always been fully aware of my kink and blogs, I just happen to still value some level of privacy in this modern instantaneous world.
Oh and when I take over the world I always intended to run on the platform: yes I inhaled. Yes I slept that woman/man but they wont ever have video of me doing it!