The Romantic Misogynist wrote an entry today that got me thinking about something I read this morning in my news cycle. I am going to be honest here and say that I am very opinionated when it comes to how parents and society treat teachers and the school system. From personal experience we all experience trauma differently, equally opinionated on how people, though well intended can do more harm by making us ‘relive’ the incident, I am not a 100% fan of therapy in general but believe it has its place in a healing process. Most importantly, in reflection to his blog entry this morning: lawyers. As an avid student of the law, I am going to always place a lot of blame on lawyers who insist on turning every slight, and what I feel is often ‘just something we have to experience in life’ type situations into a multimillion dollar struggle and judges who insist on letting these crap cases stand in their court. Then I go back to the parents…
A California preschool is closing its doors amidst allegations of sexual activity among its young students. According to KABC-TV, at least two young boys say they received oral sex from a five-year-old girl on the premises of the First Lutheran Church of Carson School, where the three children are students.
Richard McCarthy, the father of one of the boys, told the news channel that his four-year-old son had “often received oral sex at school” from the young girl. Another child has also allegedly received oral sex from the five-year-old. Since the alleged sexual encounters, McCarthy says his son — unable to fully understand the feelings that the sexual activity provoked — has become troubled.
McCarthy, together with a number of parents, is planning on filing a lawsuit against the school. Greg Owen, the attorney involved in the case, says he is representing four alleged victims. “Their lives will be ruined in many ways,” said Owen of the children involved.
Lives will be ruined?! Remember the first time you used the word fuck at school? Out of context, feeling rather grown up and eventually getting caught. My mother swore like a sailor, so naturally, every fucking little fucking thing I said could be fucking best said by using this wonderful grown up fucking word.
Now in regards to sexual experimentation in young children: it is perfectly natural. I think I started mine with my own body around the age of five – my mother didn’t have porn in the house, my mother was a single parent that did not bring men home, I had never seen anyone have sex – but I was masturbating at a vigorous rate by my own intuition.
My experimentation with other children was of course with friends of the family and dare I admit a very close cousin: of both sexes. I learned to use tampons via a girlfriend, who showered with me and used a mirror so I could see myself, I wasn’t even menstrual – her mother had them and we used the paper of directions that came with the box. Boys kissed me, touched me under my clothes, and I am pretty positive that words and acts are still at this point very opposite in our young heads: I didn’t give him head, but we heard our fathers say such things, so how do I know my young experiment didn’t feel that my touching it was in fact giving him head.
Yes I was caught masturbating, my grandmother very calmly took me aside and explained that it was perfect normal to do that, but there was a place and a time: it is a private thing and shouldn’t be done in the music room nor should I be rubbing up against the couch. She did not make me feel as if something I did was wrong, or that something I did was because someone did something wrong to me. Getting caught naked with the boys was a bit more traumatic: my friends mother found us, yelled for us to get dressed and then we all got the talk. Oddly enough the parents seemed far more embarrassed, red face and shy without eye contact, than we were. After that they made sure to check on us more often but we were not crossed examined to give detailed information of who did what to whom.
At school, kissing on the playground was awesome! Jimmy and I used to sneak away and do it because at recess there were ways to get away from the adults. We were kids, we were supposed to find ways around adult oppression and our rampant hormones always found a way. I let Jimmy put his fingers down my panties and touch me, did he finger me by todays standards? Umm, no he did not, but you fucking bet that back then I sure as well considered a finger finger fucking. I do not feel I was ever taken advantage of or molested: I was often the instigator and at the time it didn’t feel all that sexual – the way parents feel things are sexual – and I think we can forget that we sexualize things our kids do to the extreme.
I am not blaming kids for being kids, but if we look around we should feel some empathy for them: simulated sex on TV, anal, oral, group sex… it only takes a child a moment to walk in the room and see what the parents are watching for it to stick. I cannot imagine what it is like to have a mother and father, each of them on a computer, looking at god knows what – little eyes see everything from far off distances. I recall my niece searching for ‘fairies’ on the internet, hoping to find pictures of beautiful winged creatures, instead finding gay porn. It happens.
Teachers are not baby sitters, the school system is not daycare: parents have got to stop dropping their kids off thinking ‘they are now their problem till the kids comes home for dinner’ and it happens, we have all seen it taken for granted this way. Once the kids come home, are you reading with them? Talking with them? Listening? Hell I have seen some pasty white ass kids that have never seen the light of day, my mother used to have to yell for us to come in ‘the street lights are on, get your butt in here and go find your brother’
I do not feel that children are different than I was at that age what has changed are the parents: as a teacher, no I would not want to be the one that had this happen in her class, but as a parent were they really unprepared for sexual experimentation? Do you think this father is going to reflect on his own behaviour instead of blaming a woman that was ‘in charge’ of 30 other kids for not watching his? When your son is at home with you, that is the time to teach and for him to learn as well – I cant help but wonder if the opposition will ask this father ‘sir, do you watch porn? Have you ever had TMZ or HBO on the television while your son was up?’. and ‘Did you experiment with touching as a child?’ I know i would.
Keep cutting funding to schools, keep paying teachers less, put video cameras in the schools and metal detectors at the doors but know that life, always finds a way around this false sense of controlled security. Protect your children, start at home, and don’t assume because they are tiny that they are oblivious – those are two very different things. Ask yourself if putting your child through something like this, is what is doing the most damage or was he really a victim.
Be more suspicious of the lawyer than the teacher.