Female brain: how chat works

Fromage Wizee by Pyx

Fromage Wizee by Pyx

Now it didn’t take me long to figure out chat with the opposite sex but for all you guys who wonder how it is we become such jaded cunts in chat – this is my experience. I would say within the first week of using an online chat programme:

OMG UR HOT: so when can we meet up? Oh wait you live in California, sorry I am in Indiana. No really its not okay, because I am not flying in to fuck you dude, seriously and I know you are not flying down here so…

I cannot host: 80% of the time he is married, 10% of the time they still live at home, 5% of them are on probation or in a group home setting, 3% actually do not have a home and just need a place to stay for the night, 2% are scared of crazy phycho sluts.

Do you have a cam: it’s great to see who it is you are talking too, however, often on sites like AFF or ALT and whatnot, my cam would be up anyhow – there is me smiling and typing away, but it never fails five minutes into it we get – 90% want you to stand up, turn around and walk back from the cam to get a better view, show me your tits, when are we going to see pussy, is your husband going to fuck you, 10% want to talk you into getting naked for them, because they are somehow special.

Do not get me wrong, if I was a cam whore, I wouldn’t need a man to ask nor would I play hard to get, but cam seems to equal naked a lot of the time and it just isn’t my thing.

View my cam: 98% want you to watch them jack off. Wow because I am on here looking for flesh on flesh why wouldnt I want to watch you abuse your wee wee. The other 2% have something specific to show you, and if you aren’t into Crisco and the family pet, forget it. Though I did sit through a guys cam as he hooked his balls up to a car battery – sorry but that was worth it.

So what are you wearing? Does it really matter. I always feel as though I should fake it, because yes, I am sitting at the pc tonight in my thong, stockings and garter belt waiting for you big boy but I cannot give two shits: I am in my jogging pants after a day in the garden covered in dirt.

Do you do anal? Well it is not something that usually comes up on the first date, but for some reason comes up in first chat. Yeah I do anal, what does it matter, you live in the UK and I am in the USA… do the math.

Most guys just want to get off and not do it alone, which is great, I like to believe there are millions of people out there to help them with that – it just isn’t me – so why try and talk me into it? Why waste my time and yours pretending I will give in and change my mind because ‘oh wow, you have shown me the way, your begging and pleading has gotten me so wet’

Bitch: and then please, when you don’t get your way, insult me, call me names. That is going to make me change my mind: oh no please wait, you have challenged me and my sense of self is now dependent on me proving you wrong. Douchebag.

Are you kinky: usually ends up with a guy wanting me to fuck him with a strap on or his farm animal. Not what I am here looking for but thanks for asking.

Are you fat? Yes, because I don’t want to get naked for you on cam, it must mean I am fat. Orca fat, in fact m;kak my fkas fingers akd are so fat ijwekj I can’t kajjab be bothered to aslja;h type to you anymore. I need a cake with a side of cake.

Get on your knees whore and obey your Master: This just usually makes me crack the fuck up. Oh Lord Tyrano Penis of the Virtual Realm please, take me, make me… I cant fake it past that.

And they wonder why we are so rarely impressed….

5 comments on “Female brain: how chat works

  1. The Hook says:

    I’m impressed, I’ll tell you that!
    Great post!

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