Q: My husband really wants a threesome, two women, and keeps asking – he even posted a profile looking for one – I don’t want too. How do I tell him this once and for all that it isn’t going to happen?
A: Usually I tell guys if they want another girl in our bed, I get to have two guys first – that usually shuts them up. I wish swingers and open relationship videos were posted online, reality vs fantasy, I mean the bloopers reels, the failures, I’ve met guys that get ‘erectile shy’ when there are two women looking at him with great expectations.
No, seriously, first let me say it seems perfectly normal for him to have that fantasy, it is not personal or anything to do with how you please him, so try to not to take the request personal or make refusing him personal.
Now I know as well as anyone that watching a porno or flirting and playing around brings up certain sexual topics: some guys just see an open door and rush through, so perhaps you have not made it clear – seriously – that it isn’t going to happen. Be firm but understanding, it can lead to frustration the more we let things go on, and I know what it is like to smile and laugh off my husband and his special requests, but I also know when it is time to get serious. If it’s bothering you it is time to get serious.
Making a profile on a site for another woman is in itself is some fun for him – if chatting to ladies, watching cams online is cheating to you then that is something you two need to talk about – but he is deriving some pleasure from the hunt. Trust me when I tell you that finding a single woman to be a 3rd is far more difficult than it seems – single ladies aren’t out online looking to be the lube between a married couple – but that does not mean you shouldn’t make the reality clear. His looking is feeding the fantasy, so might be why it keeps coming up.
I would explain your reasons for not wanting one, but you have to know those reasons first – not all of us girls are into other girls, it does nothing for us, and going through the motions for our lovers could be harmful in the long term relationship: I feel this ‘doing it for their sake’ leads to resentment. Do not leave such conversations open ended ‘oh maybe if I were…’ or ‘if it was Angelina Jolie I would’ because he will spend hours searching for an Angelina Jolie.
Creatively there is no real way for you, alone, to have this fantasy play out in the bedroom – if you alternated oral sex between you and a fleshlight for that different sensation of two mouths or licked his cock and balls as he used one – but it just isn’t the same as having two women wanting you, to be pleased by you, and feeling all that flesh in a pile, so don’t drive yourself crazy trying. His fantasy of two women has every bit as much to do with you as it does him.
Good luck, let me know how things went.