Q: Why does it seem a lot of women have rape fantasies?
A: Because it just seems that way, we actually do not want to be raped, but I would argue that it is perfectly natural to fantasize and be a bit aroused about the things that scare us: because when it’s a fantasy we are in control. Rape is not the actual fantasy, the element of sex being forced on us by someone, and having them execute powerful control over of us, is a part of it but the ‘who’ in such deliberate scenarios is usually the driving force. Words are pretty powerful, I imagine the first time a man hears a woman ask him to violate her it must be a tangled mess of ‘this is so wrong but I am so turned on’ or not…
It might appear common for women to think of such taboo things in the context of finding a willing partner they trust to act out this fantasy, because again no one wants to be raped. I believe it is equally as hard to find a man that can pull it off with all his social conditioning and go against what is in his protective nature – not mention rape is a crime – this also being a driving force behind the fantasy: he loves me and would never hurt me but I want him too. I do not believe for a moment that the number of women who would respond to an anonymous ad on CL , let alone one for a rape fantasy, would be that high and the violation of rape is why a lot of women are not so casual with anonymous sex. Women, to me, appear to be far too selective when it comes to the man we would trust with such things, though I am certain a few might be more extreme with their sexuality, a woman is most often than not very cautious about the dates she goes out with for this very reason: she does not want to be raped.
I wish we could all come up with a new label for this fantasy, it is not rape but calling it that is also a part of the fantasy – but I am not one to urge people to censor themselves when they write about such things or dictate how they should think, passion should know no limits between consenting people: but let us take special care to separate fiction from reality, women do not want to be raped.
I have an entry I will post at a later date for you with stats if you are interested but till then I hope this answered your question, thank you for writing.