I am about to take a run into town and get a few things, I have a birthday dinner date with PC – and since I wasn’t expecting to make plans with him, I umm… yeah… need a few things. I am usually better prepared, not that my pantry is stocked with lube, enemas, stockings and condoms right beside my baking supplies but I sort of pride myself on the whole ‘you never know’ variable.
I am like a boy scout that way, always prepared, not just for me but for anyone else in house: yeah I am that girl, the one that always had condoms in her pocket and handing them out at parties.
My iPod is running through its own little play list, as Belinda Carlisle sings out a high pitched tune about secrets, I got to thinking: what does that poor woman at the store think when she sees me bring up a six pack of disposable enemas, condoms, stockings, bubble gum and a new toilet brush?
I’ve worked at two adult stores in my life time, I loved nothing more than being invited into the bedrooms of other people, I had a great time selling them sex gear – did I my own reviews – and watching them get excited got me excited for them. Of course working there people were assured the utmost privacy, I would never go home and tell people who I just sold a kink kong sized dong too but I did sometimes tell my friends about the funnier things that would happen without names and such: one young man in particular who was surprised when I informed him that his gf keeps getting urinary tract infections because he was going ass to cunt without cleaning it. And there was the one man who came, so sweet, looking for ‘ethical porn’ HAHAHA, oh god I actually loved that job.
“my wife is in the hospital, we just had our first baby, do you think this peek a boo bra would fit her? Or are her tits going to get bigger when the milk comes in?” sigh. Sexuality is just so fucking awesome!
Now I have been writing a sexual blog since blogs were called ‘online diaries’, over 15 years now, because I am not shy about sex and its many facets: as you can see I don’t do fantasy very well, I tend to be the more creative informative type but that is because I truly believe no one should be sitting at home feeling like a freak because of the things they enjoy, want to try or that turns them on. I am also extremely political, yes my sex is political, but I have been well behaved on holding that back here… for now.
Being involved in kink since the age of 18, 20 years on Monday, which meant I had a lot of whips, chains, straight jackets, cuffs, ball gags, leather, PVC, and
some rather odd furniture meant I had to be prepared for the unexpected – emergencies. Now I talk to my friends the way I write, I am just sort of sans filter sometimes, a bit of a prude, and do have my own knee jerk reactions to certain things. So my lovely friends, whom are compartmentalized, do not all even know each other, thy got bits and pieces of me – but I did have one friend D who knew everything.
If something happens to me D, and it involves having my family come down to be at my bedside or giving a eulogy here is a key to my house, I need you to go in my room and under the bed you will find some pretty gold boxes. In those boxes are all my kink stuff, videos, diaries, please remove them from the house before my family comes over. If I am dead, burn the crap, but just hold on to it till they leave. Oh and there is a tool box, you might need a screw driver to remove the hook restraint system over the bed.
It was not that I am embarrassed, nor are my talents that well of a kept secret from family, but I didn’t want them embarrassed – imagination can be a horrible thing out of context – can you imagine cleaning out a loved one’s room and finding a lovin’ lamb with some farm animal videos? There are just some things you don’t want to put people through.
She is the keeper of my secrets.
In closing I thought I would share a funny story. I had been overseas for months; I was in Canada for a few more, and being away from my husband meant for an intense reunion: I had been working at an adult store back in Canada for some extra money, but the discount was 50% so I did a lot of shopping. This meant my luggage was a bit … over stocked with toys, lubes and outfits.
At the small airport the guys put through my luggage and began to blush – as if I was not standing there one guy turns to the other and says ‘oh this is priceless, so and so is going to want to hear about this’ again I wasn’t embarrassed at all, my fellow passengers behind me in line and all, but I was standing right there. I leaned over the security scanner and grabbed the young man by the sleeve and reminded him that ‘if for any reason my personal effects are in breach of national security protocols you are more than welcome to discuss this but please show a bit of class while I am still standing right here’
I was prepared for this to be a horrible endeavor – at Toronto International Airport I was of course singled out, as I always am, by US customs service. I wont go into why I am always singled out but needless to say, my luggage is fully stocked with some serious sexual gear.
I get called up with my luggage by a very nice young man, as nice as an American customs officer can be, and this is all second nature to me as we go through the motions and I answer all his questions. He then opens my luggage and starts to look around. He pulls out one small black plastic bag ‘what is in here?’ he asked me ‘very expensive personal lubricant’ I said matter of fact. He peeked inside, rolled it back up and placed it back exactly where he got it. He picked up a velvet bag and looked at me again ‘and what is in here’ I think he was getting to the point now ‘that is a glass artisan type dildo, it lights up but there are no batteries in it’ now I was smiling because he was blushing.
So it went for a few more minutes, gifts mostly I have some kinky friends in the USA, some for personal use, but four bottles of lube, a gag with dildo attachment, two glass dildos, jeweled nipple pasties and fetish medical equipment later he gave up: he scratched at his head and looked extremely puzzled.
“Look, I have been away from my sexual partner a long time, I took a job at an adult store for some extra cash, so naturally I took advantage of my work place discount. If you like we can go through the next bag as well or I could just tell you all that have” I was being polite. He sort of jumped back, zipped up my luggage and said ‘umm no no that wont be necessary I sort of got the picture now’ and he was blushing even more.
I am certain he finished his day with a good cooler talk story to share with the other guys, I doubt my international traveling profile has ‘PERVERT’ beside my name, if it does I don’t mind but my biggest fear has always been: young woman found dead with mass sex stash. My sexual paraphernalia laid out like a Columbian drug bust, with cops and psychologist in my bedroom, touching my things… interviews on the news with my neighbours ‘I had no idea, she was such a nice girl and always shoveled our sidewalk when it snowed. I can’t believe she was a sexual deviant’ and Sister K my fifth grade teacher the nun ‘I knew she was a bad seed, I think she actually enjoyed it when she got the ruler over her knuckles for misbehaving’
Not much I can do, I would be dead, but even then I would hate the fact that my privacy was being violated so publicly without my input. Oh yeah, well right, then again there is this blog…