Intimacy goes beyond the physical, the sexual and is by far one of the more important foundation blocks in any relationship. I believe it is perfectly natural for some people to want to keep that intimacy between two people and for someone like me it is equally as natural to have it by involving others.
My desire to see my partner with someone else is not only visual stimulation but one of the (stranger) ways in which I declare to everyone else that I have a special closeness to that particular human being. I have been charged with an overabundance of confidence in life but that is certainly because I believe I am with people who deserve such accolades themselves and this is present in my sexual life.
Not only am I fond of my sexual partner(s), and trust them, I am also proud of them. This might sound bizarre because in a way I am saying that ‘they’ are something I have and that I am willing to share them with others. I do not ‘have them’ nor do I do it to expose jealousy but rather it is the way in which I combat that possessive nature – instead of holding things inward I thrust them outward. I find my partner(s) pleasing, I want them to feel pleasure and be pleased sexually as I want to be, and I want to be one they experience this pleasure with.
Someone might consider involving other people in a threesome or group sex scenario as just sex that lacks intimacy; It is with that other person you are having sex with but for the two people in the room that entered into this together they can leave together reassured through the experience. There is something particular that transpires after the fact, it is not verbal, it is not physical but rather just a sense of spectacular affection. You can certainly have sex without intimacy, but you will not achieve it in your relationship by involving others if it is not present first, otherwise the experience can be disastrous.
Just as odd to some is the fact that having PC as a lover adds to the intimacy I have with my husband. I married him because I love him, we have a great sex life however involving someone else is quite a testament to the strength of ‘us’ – and yes socially this can be taken out of context to assume my husband is a lesser man because I have another penis around sometimes or that I am greedy but I assure you that is just ignorance. Often what my husband and I have cannot be put into words, it is best witnessed, because it is sincerely altruistic; hence the blog.
Second to that level of security in my marriage is my natural desire to experience a different level of intimacy with PC which sets him above others like SML. Speaking only for myself and not for PC, I think it started here and then led to this experience and has progressed to my desire to see him with someone else. The closer I feel to someone the more I want to experience with them. Some see this as the moment of an emotional bond, or ‘feelings for someone other than ones husband’ and as a bad thing: this is where I am at my best! I have a fondness for him that does not require reciprocity and it’s a good thing.
Now he is at liberty, being a handsome single man, to go about and do as he likes. He is certainly not bound to me in any way and this is all very well one sided on my part: I am coming about this my own way and just because there might be a difference in priority it does not diminish the event for me, he could simply be taking full advantage of a situation with me to experience something/someone he has always wanted too. I am game.
I cannot assume what it must have been like for him to have me ask because though it is a sexual fantasy many people want to do it is also something we tend to do only with certain people. The poor guy seems to handle my alien ways in stride – bravo – which only makes me like him more. Not only do I find the idea terribly erotic, being in the same room with people having sex, but it is more so because it’s him.
My desire to watch him with another woman, pleasing her sexually, and of course enjoying himself is just like counting down the days to Christmas for a young child; I am filled with a sense of giddy impatient curiosity. Without stroking his ego, I want to see the same effects he has on me with another woman, which will of course be a great turn on. He is an exceptionally attentive lover and I fight the urge to pimp him out (ladies can make a line to the left and take a number). This is because I feel there are so many women who go
unfilled unfulfilled and really they shouldn’t because I know a guy… I want to watch his body and how it reacts while up against someone else. I want to witness those happy facial expressions from a distance. This of course will only inspire a replay of my own memories with him but add to them as well.
I wonder what he is going to say to her…
The most intimate part of my desire however is what comes afterwards. Perhaps a fault with my personality but my romantic nature just isn’t what you read about in books or see in movies. Peculiarly I look forward to having him all to myself where I can express my own appreciation and affection for him in ways I am able. I look forward to seeing him smile satisfied, relaxed, happy and maybe even exhausted. I will walk him into a hot shower and carefully bathe off the smell of sex, soapy warm fingers will softly massage muscles and touch skin that hours ago was under someone else’s hand. I will most certainly kiss him before she is altogether gone from his lips. I want to dry him off and then quietly lie back on a bed in comfort, together, having enjoyed the whole event for what it was – but for me it is ritual.