SML asked me out the other night and I said I had plans when I did not. This is not the usual way in which I deal with things but I wasn’t sure if his incessant begging to make a sex video with me was pissing me off (it was) or that my reaction to it wasn’t something else: I had my proof when I lied to him.
He is a great guy in that he has been working with my situation for over a year, and before I met PC he was my go to guy. PC is no more available (time wise) to me than usual but strangely I find myself satisfied with the threesome I have: me, my husband and PC.
Maybe it is because the sex is better? There is more of an attraction and I actually know and like PC.
Getting to know SML has never been an option for me, I never felt the urge to get to know him or see him socially. He was and remained the guy I have over now and then for sex – but when the event begins to feel like work, you know something is up.
Now I have to decide how best to inform him of this. Though it has been a casual sexual relationship I feel that it is important to let someone know you are no longer interested because I have never found the indirect root to be the right or polite way. I am not going to keep telling him I’m busy when I am not in the hopes that he just goes away.
My issue is I have never done such a thing over the internet nor do I want too but I have only ever invited him out here for sex: I would hate for him to think that is what is happening when I could save him the trip and just have the talk over the internet. It seems so immature – and my brain is having a hard time coming to terms with not doing it in person. I have these strange rules for myself, not that I want to be ‘friends’ with him because I don’t, nor do I believe he will be hurt, but I have been naked in the same room with him, I just think he deserves that same intimate conversation.
I am however not willing to keep him around as a ‘what if’ guy. PC is not a permanent variable in my life, meeting them both was a lot of work on my part, certainly meeting guys in rural central Indiana is nothing less than difficult – let alone compatible men. I think it is unfair to keep someone around because they are ‘better than nothing’. Growing up I have had to work to change the way I treat people, they aren’t all things for me to play with and put away when I get bored, and I really do appreciate his time and efforts with me.
I am at the moment unsure if I will seek out a third cock. Sounds greedy I know but I tend to work better with 3’s. I love my husband, we have a great sex life, I adore PC and I lust after him constantly but between them both there are still times I want something sexual – a particular kind of sex or a desire – they aren’t available to provide. I am not complaining, they are both dedicated men to careers that I feel are important and worth their time, but I am not the kind of girl to ask PC for more time either. He is a wonderful single guy and though he could vanish at any time, I like the time we do have together and I don’t want to change that by asking him to do something he might not want too.
This is a big part of being polyamorous and open about sexual relationships and the different dynamics this arrangement can present. Though I have not seen PC for four weeks, nor would he ever ask me not to see someone else, I feel it is right for me to put a bit of myself aside for him: he is worth the wait.