Spring cleaning


SML asked me out the other night and I said I had plans when I did not. This is not the usual way in which I deal with things but I wasn’t sure if his incessant begging to make a sex video with me was pissing me off (it was) or that my reaction to it wasn’t something else: I had my proof when I lied to him.

He is a great guy in that he has been working with my situation for over a year, and before I met PC he was my go to guy. PC is no more available (time wise) to me than usual but strangely I find myself satisfied with the threesome I have: me, my husband and PC.

Maybe it is because the sex is better? There is more of an attraction and I actually know and like PC.

Getting to know SML has never been an option for me, I never felt the urge to get to know him or see him socially. He was and remained the guy I have over now and then for sex – but when the event begins to feel like work, you know something is up.

Now I have to decide how best to inform him of this. Though it has been a casual sexual relationship I feel that it is important to let someone know you are no longer interested because I have never found the indirect root to be the right or polite way. I am not going to keep telling him I’m busy when I am not in the hopes that he just goes away.

My issue is I have never done such a thing over the internet nor do I want too but I have only ever invited him out here for sex: I would hate for him to think that is what is happening when I could save him the trip and just have the talk over the internet. It seems so immature – and my brain is having a hard time coming to terms with not doing it in person. I have these strange rules for myself, not that I want to be ‘friends’ with him because I don’t, nor do I believe he will be hurt, but I have been naked in the same room with him, I just think he deserves that same intimate conversation.

I am however not willing to keep him around as a ‘what if’ guy. PC is not a permanent variable in my life, meeting them both was a lot of work on my part, certainly meeting guys in rural central Indiana is nothing less than difficult – let alone compatible men. I think it is unfair to keep someone around because they are ‘better than nothing’. Growing up I have had to work to change the way I treat people, they aren’t all things for me to play with and put away when I get bored, and I really do appreciate his time and efforts with me.

I am at the moment unsure if I will seek out a third cock. Sounds greedy I know but I tend to work better with 3’s. I love my husband, we have a great sex life, I adore PC and I lust after him constantly but between them both there are still times I want something sexual – a particular kind of sex or a desire – they aren’t available to provide. I am not complaining, they are both dedicated men to careers that I feel are important and worth their time, but I am not the kind of girl to ask PC for more time either. He is a wonderful single guy and though he could vanish at any time, I like the time we do have together and I don’t want to change that by asking him to do something he might not want too.

This is a big part of being polyamorous and open about sexual relationships and the different dynamics this arrangement can present. Though I have not seen PC for four weeks, nor would he ever ask me not to see someone else, I feel it is right for me to put a bit of myself aside for him: he is worth the wait.

3 comments on “Spring cleaning

  1. kdaddy23 says:

    It can make for some interesting decisions, huh?

    • Pyx says:

      creative and often the most honest, sincere and direct dealings with people I have ever had. Even when ‘breaking up’ i feel respect for guys who work with me in this poly thing… i guess we dont often write about the end of poly do we? LOL

      • kdaddy23 says:

        Does it ever really end? I guess it could if a person or couple makes a decision to that end… but if you’re just adding or dropping people, eh, writing about it isn’t all that important in the grand scheme of things… but it does make for interesting reading even if it’s to see why someone – someone like you – would cross someone off their list.

        Because it’s just not about the sex, is it? Just like your relationship with your husband, there are other factors that have to be considered and if someone doesn’t make the grade, you gotta let them go – make perfectly good sense to me!

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