Gone. His hair was like his trademark, I mean certainly my ass has gotten bigger and we all make changes but I can’t see him in my mind without hair down to his waist!
Pldundr was around before I met my husband. He was very much in the ‘I could get serious about this guy’ list. He is an extremely talented carpenter/artist, funny, politically enthralling, has a great collection of movies including the obscure, great taste in music, cooks and kinky as hell.
Funny how I cannot even remember what we argued about, what made me stop flying in to see him, nor do I recall how we managed to resolve it and still keep in touch – but for whatever reason we didn’t go back to the option of getting serious about each other again. I rarely do the second chance dance but he certainly was not about to ask for one either.
He wrote me today and I was glad he did. I like knowing how he is doing and that we still keep in touch. None of my ex lovers are banned from doing so because I like to think that I was friends with them while doing the whole relationship thing. Hell I am friends with my husband’s ex and very much involved with her kids lives! The only other ex I am involved with would be the Good Doctor – but I was with him for 14 years, that was almost half my adult life and just because you cut off your left arm doesn’t mean you can go on as though it never existed.
Breaking up sucks and it can be hard to do but it can also be done right. I feel that we did that; Pldundr and me. He can certainly never be a casual lover, he has the sort of heart you just don’t play with and we have history but fuck if I am not still proud of him and his accomplishments. What I do recall of this breakup is that we were both very logical and there was no drama involved. It was a long conversation that ended with a sincere hug and a handshake. I am so glad we didn’t fall into ruin and hate with one another I would have missed out on the hair cut.
We still remain sincere with one another, I have no shame in admitting to him that I do think of him and miss him – he misses me too – and it is not said out of manipulation or regret but in a tender manner of remembrance that he has always mattered and still does and I like knowing he feels the same about me.
I counted out five months of time left with PC and then started thinking of the afterwards – I like to believe I would certainly try to keep in touch with him – PC is similarly logical and has no drama to how he deals with me so I doubt his departure would be any different.
Perhaps it is all levels of involvement. I mean how do people that get married to one another out of love and respect (have kids) end up hating each other? Perhaps my poly nature manages to keep me at a logical level of remove or awareness, that I am never 100% emotionally dependent on that one other person and hold them responsible for everything – therefore if things fall apart I am not angry with disappointment and resentment. I can’t imagine getting married under those ideals and have it not set one up to fail but what do I know – monogamy has never made much sense to me.