No amount of darkness could hide the fact that we were in a bad part of town, my husband’s military experience took over once again and instead of putting the car safely under the parking lot light he chose to station us at the end of the lot, by the alley, giving him three ways of exit.
“I think there is something seriously wrong if we have not yet gotten out of the car but are parking strategically” I said, as I looked through my purse to ensure I had brought my metal nail file that could be used as a weapon. I gave my purse a safety tap and smiled to my husband giving him the thumbs up and we left the safety of our vehicle.
We signed in, learned the secret hand shake and were led up the stair blindfolded. Not really but it might have added some mystery to an otherwise predictable night: we were greeted by the owners and got the grand tour. Everything is so lovely and clean when it is new, the smell of fresh paint – what the fuck? My husband is hanging back from the group, peeking out the windows and noting in which direction each one faces, he is now stuck in Army mode. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.
To put his mind at ease I asked the owner what was out a particular door- I knew what was there – so my husband could see the emergency stair case leading to the back of the parking lot. “See, I am not jumping out of a fucking window there are stairs, now chill” I said through a wide toothed grin. “Oh this place is horrible, I am going to have to walk around a few times to get my bearings” and he puttered off. It was going to be a few minutes before he returned so I decided to introduce myself to other guests.
Once again I am the youngest woman in the room, meaning that I do not require a breathing apparatus or moan as I get up from chair, hell in all honesty – I fit in a chair- but I shook hands, I asked how people were, and was nothing less than my usual polite self. I am not sure in what world people show up to such an event wearing jogging pants, flip flops and dirty Tshirts to sell themselves to other couples in the hopes of touching someone’s wife sexually but there I was, in what appeared to be fancy clothing, but caring less.
My husband re-appeared and leaned into my ear “I’ve got it now” he whispered. “Good man, at ease” I whispered back “un-bloody-fucking-likely” he said looking around the room. All I could do was let out a giggle. I do so love him, strange little man that he is. We went outside for a quick couples meeting and a smoke. Though the outside of the establishment is far worse than inside, and certainly the couples that were already there left something to be desired, we did come all this way so I voted we stay another hour and see what unfolds.
Upon my return I went to use the ladies room only to find that hooker number 1 was having some difficulties with the round brass device one must turn to allow one to open or close a door: the knob. “Hi-i-i-i-i. Canyou help me withis?” she asked. “Certainly, let me get that for you” and I even turned on the light so she could find her way. “thankyou” and she disappeared, I was beginning to regret not pushing her out of the way and going pee first, this could take her a while if she gets stuck on the other side of the door.
I decide to wait in the kitchen and in walked Stuckey. He had a huge smile on his face as though he had just come up from licking my nipples and he grabbed my hand aggressively but trying to coo me with his words “Hi I am _______” he said. “Nice to meet you I am _____” trying my best to release his hand but he would not let go.
Now I have been around so many different kinds of men that this one is not new to me so I tend not to panic and know exactly how to handle such creatures. As he moved himself to my right side, his free arm now around my neck and his left hand now massaging mine in a handshake, I moved my arm in closer to my body and of course this means our shaking hands are now right under my right breast. “Oooh this is the best handshake I have ever had” he said as his fingers found my boob.
The look of unimpressed stoicism took over my face as I said “it was my intention. I think it best I have some kind of material between me and your flesh as I would rather you touch my shirt covered boob than my bare hand” and I smiled. Laughter erupted from two other gentlemen that had entered the room and this was the beginning of my end. From what my husband tells me I was ‘holding court’ in the kitchen with the men as the women sat in the other room tossing daggers at me. We chatted about politics, golf, and world events – there was a lawyer there so naturally I had someone to talk to about something – but I did not see any harm in conversation because not one of these penises are coming anywhere near me.
Hooker1 stumbled out of the bathroom and leaned on my shoulder, asking me if I would like to be her friends ‘Oh of course!’ I said and then she pleaded I suck her man’s cock. “Chris Angel over there is your husband?” I asked. She laughed “yes! He does look like Criss Angel. Go, suck his cock, please! And then you and I can be friendly too” she slurred. I wasn’t sure if he made a move to kiss me but it was best to assume she almost fell over. “Well I certainly do not want you anywhere near my man’s cock” I laughed and as she smiled and stroked my hair I knew she was truly gone and oblivious to what I was saying.
Hooker2 came into the kitchen, at this point in time all the men are just standing there watching – she fumbled her way over to the table and tried to focus on her choices of bowls. Very carefully and slowly, as to not miss her target, she dramatically lowered her hand to pick up a chip – each move requiring serious concentration on her part and direct commands to her brain for motor function. She chose a chip and turned towards us with it between her fingers as though she had just plucked out a kidney from the game operation without having set off the alarm by touching the sides.
I raised my eye brows and smile at her, as if to say ‘hazzah’ but she walked past us all with her chip victoriously in hand. Hooker1 said “that’s my friend ___. Well not my friend but my friend friend if you know what I mean” I smiled and shook my head up and down “I have no fucking clue what you mean but it is nice to have a friend friend”. Hooker1 would follow me to the bathroom three more times that night, once to just girl talk about makeup (???), twice in need of actual assistance to urinate. Towards the end of the evening she would be Criss Angel’s only magic trick – making strange cock disappear.
Hooker2 walked around with that bloody chip all night; even when Hooker1 fell from the stripper pole, Hooker2 did not put that chip down to assist her friend friend. Her (H2) partner Steve managed to be slimier than Stuckey. The two pimps knew to stay clear of me and D – they didn’t even introduce themselves because there was no need; we knew who they were and they knew who we were. My husband appeared to be the only man not even remotely curious about these two girls, what they were doing back there in those rooms, and this rubbed the other wives the wrong way. We have been off the continent, seen some pretty exotic sexual shows, but the animals in those shows were treated with more respect than these two girls.
Stuckey was being the social butterfly, making sure to flutter and stop on every petal in the hopes of one flower opening up and allowing him the pleasure of drinking their sweet nectar. Pretty gross eh? That was Stuckey. I was at this point trying my best to talk with the ladies, none of them having anything to really say and more than two of them typing away on their phones.
“I know you from somewhere” he said standing in front of me. “Surely you do not” I replied. “What is your avatar on the website?” he asked. I told him and he shouted “OMG you are her!” as he made a picture frame with his fingers and held them back from my breasts. “You did a cam show once, where you cut up a bag you were wearing and it was the fucking hottest thing I have ever seen” he said loudly, drawing the attention of the other men to join in on the conversation.
“Yes that was me, I like to support the troops in my own way, it was good fun, they are great guys” I said noticing that 3 of the wives had now taken their leave. Stuckey proceeded to explain the bag
show to the other men, two of whom had some idea of our previous profile I suppose, as he put his arm around my neck then tried to massage my back. “I am not sure why you are massaging my kidneys but you are danger close to pulling back a stump” I moved myself away from him. And out of nowhere a man appeared with a can of pop and handed it to me – great timing- and I smiled at him a bit confused but have seen something similar to shiny gift giving on Animal Planet.
“Thank you that was very kind of you” I said, though I do not drink cola. Out of the dark corner of the bench came a wifely voice “Umm I was the one that asked you for a pop” as we all turned to see a seriously thirsty woman. Like a female that had just gotten caught stealing fruit from the lead male gorilla I handed the cold beverage over quickly as if to so say ‘please don’t eat me’ and she rolled her eyes with the sound of the carbonated hisss. The two ladies then turned their backs and I knew there was no amount of cookies that would get me in good with their little huddle. So be it!
I let my feet swing back and forth as the men talked in front of me about what they had been witness to via the virtual world and I began to enjoy the fact that I will never truly fit in. I looked over at my husband smiling with pride, yes I am his wife and he is proud, but on his face was also a territorial acknowledgement that at no time do I require his assistance to be saved from these savages and Stuckey, by being Stuckey, was never ever going to get to see me naked or near me with his pecker. My husband boasted of having a wife that not only cuts/chops wood but bakes cookies on cam for the troops “hell I was lucky to even get a letter 3 months after it was posted, these guys get to watch her make cookies and then she sends them a box and they get to eat them” I cannot deny him such pleasure though it makes me uneasy sometimes. I looked down at my feet again and thought ‘My husband is right; I do have polar bear paws’
Hookers and pimps in the back room soon drew the men away from us and my husband was one of 3 males left in a room full of ladies. He asked me to dance to a nice oldies song that I like and we talked together, on the dance floor, secure with ourselves and each other. “did you see that middle video booth back there? Two walls with peep holes, someday we might have to try that one out” I said. “yeah well if we come back here I am coming armed to the tits” he laughed.
“I do so love to watch you hover and work a room, it might be wrong of me to say but it turns me on” he said. “I have no idea what you mean” I suggested. “You used a piece of paper to fan yourself and two minutes later a guy showed up with a fan and put it right at your feet! All these guys want to fuck you and I am sorry to say that it makes all these women hate you” he was trying to be apologetic “it was kind of scary to watch, they zoned in on your rather quick and I thought for sure when that guy gave you his wife’s pop she was going to grab him by the nutsack and leave”
“they really aren’t my problem, I mean I am here with you to have fun with you. It doesn’t bother me that they don’t like me, though it lowers your chances of having fun” I said, looking around at the women sitting together on the bench eyeing me from over their shoulders. “and those guys would fuck a warm bowl of soup, trust me there is no flattering coming from that fact” I added.
“Not true. You always manage to walk into a room and up the standard and I love that about you. I just feel bad you don’t get to have fun” he said” I want you to have fun”
“I make my own fun, things here could be worse, I could be back there with stuckey asking to put his cock in my ear or something” and we both laughed. “So would you come back?” he said seriously. “What and miss out on an evening of holding court and being served by a room full of men? Of course I will give this place a try” I was being honest.
A few more couples came in while I poured myself the last of my Guinness. One couple went straight to it, he had her sucking his cock within moments of walking in the room; however he was doing it in the room where everyone was simply sitting and talking. So it seemed forced considering there were 15 more rooms in the back. D noticed a quiet couple seated together alone and invited them over to sit with us and two other couples – and we all sat and talked for some time. They were by far the more pleasurable couple of them all, down to earth, not vulgar, and you could tell that he loved his wife: whenever he got up to get her a drink or to excuse himself he lightly touched here somewhere. He didn’t force his tongue down her throat or grab her tit but you could tell it was natural reflex and I liked that.
So the location sucked, but we exchanged information with 3 couples – one holding promise – but the set up was nice and holds much promise. Though it is NOT an adult theatre as I expected but in fact the attempts at becoming a swingers club, I would go back to see what if anything changes for the better, in the hopes other people show up. There was no one worth my time; in fact I was feeling rather spectacular knowing I have my husband and PC and none of us like these people: there was a bit of desperation to most of them.
My husband made a point of saying that under no circumstances did he feel the need to do anything sexual with me in that place – in fact the way the other men behaved made him rather protective and he didn’t want to do something or put up his wife in order to make it seem or convinced others as proof we belong.
We arrived home a couple of hours before the sun was set to rise. Though I was turned on before I got to the club, my desire had subsided when I was faced with my options but my husband’s attentions were not interrupted. I think because I had been hot and the nice man placed the fan directly blowing on me at the club, my skin was a bit sensitive to his touches so I asked him to go easy on me ‘not so rough’ and we both laughed at hearing those words from my lips for the first time.