On Saturday I successfully managed to talk PC out of lawn mowing duty and to come out with me someplace to cool off. Saturday was still very hot and humid and I was feeling that if I didn’t find a watering hole soon my husband and everyone around me would bear the brunt of my misery.
Unbeknownst to me PC found my husband at the computer and explained our plans or rather offered assistance in manner of ‘I am sure you are tired of hearing how hot it is’ and my husband probably said ‘YES please just take her!’. I could write an entire comic strip on the premise of two men, one woman, and their potential conversations:
Guy 1: no way you take her, it’s your turn, I got suckered into bra shopping last time.
Guy 2: Hey I had to sit through a two hour seminar on ancient textiles followed by a three hour deconstruction of what it was I just sat through and another hour of in-depth history of Clan Tartans.
Guy 1: Yeah? Well bra shopping did not come with a fashion show buddy; it came with a dissertation on male subjugation of women … something about bows and pedophiles… I can’t remember but I do remember it is your turn to take her.
Guy 2: Rock. Paper. Scissors?
Guy 1: No pussy is worth all this. Okay – go.
All I had was a state tourist map and I did a quick search for directions. After two hours of driving I admitted defeat and he pulled out his GPS slut – I was not THAT far off the mark but dare I say the state could do better with signage to help out travelers – I thought it was mighty fine of him to have let me try given he had GPS in his pocket all that time.
Very nice little spot, and though it was cooler than temperatures at home, the location did lack any water: it’s been hot and dry so obviously this was expected. We found our way down into the canyon and he made dinner. First I was relieved that I managed to get myself down there without falling on my face, my husband likes to tease that my Indian name is ‘trips on rocks’ because I am that much of a klutz. As much as I love being outdoors and a good hike, it is something that requires finesse and I am out of practice. Secondly; that week I had come into contact with poison Ivy or Oak but only on my right ankle – so far this did not prove irritating beyond belief. Thirdly it was PC so I was terribly hot and sticky and turned on.
There was this huge rock that could have passed for a sacrificial altar but I kept having a conversation with myself that stopped me from even suggesting sex outdoors. We are down in a canyon so anyone could be up there and I would be furious to find my ass on sextube or some site. Also I had been told that men do not necessarily enjoy sex outdoors, I cannot remember who told me this (probably my husband) but I am going to find him and rip off his nipples. There is no sexy about saying ‘come lean me up against this huge rock and fuck me. I want you to lick this layer of sweat off my back’ but it didn’t stop me from thinking it!
And then he did what he always does – takes the opportunity to tease me – I found it odd that while he kissed me my whole body got goose bumps given how hot and humid things were. I began to negotiate the possibility of sex outdoors, there was no way I was going to just blow him off right there because, well, I haven’t yet worked up to the whole swallowing thing and since there was no running water it would have been difficult for me to clean up had there been an angry dragon incident… seriously this is how my brain works.
He’s all standing there looking the way he does, touching me and kissing me like he does and I kept thinking ‘if I stand on that rock over there he would have a great height advantage’ … I should be ashamed of myself, I know, but I can’t help it I really wanted to have him cum inside me.
It was starting to get dark and I felt a drop on my arm: we both chalked it up to condensation in the canyon. We left the pretty little site and walked back to the car. Now for those of you that do not know I live on 120 acres of hollers and woods, there was a time that I could walk that in a day and not suffer for it. Walking back up the canyon I realized just how out of shape I am – We Dwarves are natural sprinters, very dangerous over short distances (Gimli) – no sprinting for me however years in desert has proven that I do just fine with long distances and FLAT surfaces. This is easy enough to remedy…
So back at the car finally able to catch my breath I looked around and the lot was empty and my mind didn’t skip a beat – bloody hell he is so fucking tall I am not even sure he would fit in his own backseat – I have not had sex in a car since I got married because my husband believes when there is a bed at home why bother? I am going to have to sit down and talk to this man about his horrible sexual propaganda rumour mill.
Anyhow, I could not find a way to put my seat back, surely he would fit in the seat just fine and I do so enjoy being on top and there is the whole up against the car thing and just what the hell do guys pack back in their trunks anyhow but once again my logical brain kicked in, sex in cars for some is tacky, so to did the rumours and we left.
Now he had previously mentioned going out of town on business for a week and I pretended to be put out that I wouldn’t see him for a while but as we reached a stop in the road he says ‘actually it is more like three weeks’ . THREE WEEKS?! He was being all technical, and I love that quality in him but my pussy is screaming ‘STOP THIS FUCKING CAR NOW AND JUST FUCK HIM’
“WHAT? Three weeks?” the words just came shooting out of my head. As the sun began to set and he carefully drove us home (with new directions from his GPS slut) I kept finding little dark places along the side of the road where I should request he pull over. Three weeks… my brain started doing the math: this many days, hours, and I haven’t had sex with him in this long, and I have been spoiled for the past while with him visiting more than once a month… three weeks.
Then the fates made popcorn: on the way home we drove into a spectacular lightning show and it began to rain. I was so turned on to begin with but what is my number one turn on? Rain. Oh my fucking gawd if there was no risk of me getting struck by lightning again, after two weeks of heat and humidity: sex in the rain is on my top five list! I quickly began to realize how it is people get caught fucking on the side of the road I was feeling that sense of impatience. The lightning was so intense that we were sure it would hit the car – I giggled with pleasure watching nature do her thing and at my sheer fucking luck: outdoor hike in a killer place with that big altar looking rock, a lightning storm, and enough rain to cool everything off… three weeks.
That is where we left it – not much I can do about it – he came in and had coffee with me and D. Oh I did walk him out to his car and as I kissed him goodbye I did tell him that I loved him and wished him safe travels: I’ve had plenty of people leave on business and not come back, never having told them so, so I make a point of it when I can. I tell my friends I love them after every conversation or visit, so to me this felt perfectly natural.
Not so strange was he sort of growled/snarled at me. I certainly had no expectations of hearing the same words back, I don’t say stuff to people so they say it to me and chances are good had he said that to me I might have snarled too. However since I have said it out loud he has been very casual in chatting with me, the little personal way he used to end conversations has been replaced with a very casual: later or night. If I were worried I would wonder if he was angry with me for saying it – however he can be grumpy all he wants, I am sure to say it again! He will just have to plug his ears or shut me up some other way.
Seriously I love how predictable guys are, because certainly we women cannot love them without some grander plan or scheme to manipulate them! It is very common actually for people to step back from something they might not want or were not looking to get involved in, this I will never deny PC; a right to question just what the fuck is going on and certainly he has every reason to feel uneasy at times.
I am beyond the point of caring actually, he knows better, I don’t need to put caveats after I say something. If I say it I mean it and people are at liberty to not like what I say and he is free to ask me not too. My biggest pet peeve would have been had he followed it up with a ‘relationship conversation’ so I will gladly accept his casual approach. I can love people without them loving me back, for me it has never been about the limits of others but my own – and growing up as I did, lived how I lived, why would I deny myself any such thing.
He did invite me to go back there camping with him so I very much look forward to that and I will certainly be over my whole belief that guys do not enjoy sex outdoors – I just don’t think I will give him a choice.