How America’s plans for Syria remind me of my exes

burqaKerry: The President does not need congressional approval. He was just being nice by asking.

Ex: Sure sweety, you say when and I will stop, you have all the power here and decide what we do.

Senate: McCain leads a Senate debate on possible military action against Syria and plays poker.

Ex: gets you all dressed up to take you out and his buddies stop by to play Atari. You then end up serving them beer and chips all night.


USA: No boots on the ground!

Ex: I promise I won’t cum inside you.

USA: We  might train rebels in other countries…

Ex: No, I never fucked her, I swear it meant nothing.

USA: Kerry’s secret plan to help rebels.

Ex: I promise no one will see this VHS tape but me.

Kerry: My concern is that if we don’t hold Saddam — I mean Bashar al-Assad …

Ex: Oh that is great Jennifer… I mean Pyx

Kerry: this will not be Iraq. This is not Afghanistan and will not be. This is not Libya and will not be. There is no similarity between any of those other things and what the president is asking Congress to permit him to do

Ex: OH FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK  another condom broke, what are you going to do?!

Senate Committee: You said that only 15 to 25 percent of the opposition are “bad guys.” Where did you get that figure?

Kerry: It comes from our intel community. It comes from Ambassador Robert Ford, who is deeply engaged and very knowledgeable about it. It comes from our own people on the ground.

Ex: the rhythm method works like 90% of the time, my mother used it.

President Obama: Failing to respond to this outrageous attack would increase the risk that chemical weapons could be used again, that they would fall into the hands of terrorists who might use them against us

Ex: Aww come on, pleeeeeeeeeease! pretty please? everyone else is doing it.

Putin: he [Kerry] is lying and he knows that he is lying. This is sad

Kerry:  I spoke to Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov by phone on Thursday and was told ‘some translation that was not correct’

Ex: I took your silence to mean yes to anal.

One comment on “How America’s plans for Syria remind me of my exes

  1. The Hook says:

    Best. Political. Post. Ever!

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