And that loosely translates into ‘never kiss them on the mouth’. I had just watched my husband have sex with another woman while I was having sex with her husband. I did not think my night could get any more surreal till he said “I can’t kiss them, it just feels wrong” I took a moment to think back to what I had seen throughout the evening and sure enough, I did not see him kiss her on the mouth – not once.
My husband was really young when he joined the Army. His formative years were spent in training and then abroad in situations that included danger, violence and death but most importantly he was subject to social perspectives that were not included in the American paradigm. He was greatly influenced by peers in the Army that were older than him and far more experienced and by things that were considered acceptable by military lifestyle standards.
“Kissing is something intimate that makes me feel like I am cheating if I do it with another woman” he explained. The fact that I had just seen him go down on another woman made the notion feel silly to me but then I also find such things about him endearing. “I never thought about it that way, does it bother you that I kissed her husband?” I asked sincerely.
I grew up contradicting my own Roman Catholic piety with liberal female sexuality in which I had justified everything but the act of sex – making out and dry humping were things I deemed acceptable and I spent a lot of time kissing boys. About the age my husband was lost under a triple thick jungle canopy having looked his adversary in the eye and killed him, I was moving into active sexual freedom having encounters with whomever I wanted too at the same age. The act of sex for him was removed of emotional attachment or long term bonding and became one of simply being alive; dead is dead but you know you are alive when you fuck.
“No, no, no it doesn’t bother me that you kissed him on the mouth, it is just I can’t do it. Funny isn’t it?” he continued “You are a great kisser and I know you enjoy it”. He talks so casually about such things that he skips over the tendency to be introspective. I am far more reflective and I tend to do it for him, though it is not required, I am purely fascinated by the man I married.
So while he was sent to ‘fight’ a government hell bent on the annihilation of its native population I was free to be consumed with self-gratification and self-discovery. He was fucking whores after getting paid and I was simply free to have sex any time I wanted with the person I chose. I understand why it was the business transaction rarely involved kissing on the mouth, it was about professionalism.
Kissing for me was the first move in determining if I wanted to go all the way with someone, it was about keeping them and myself captivated enough to want to fuck but not going all the way right away. A whore is a for sure thing, it doesn’t matter if you are a good kisser or not, we ladies who are not of the profession like to put a different value on our sexuality or at least believe it is ; kissing is how we express our bond to another human being be them family, children, friends or lovers.
“This certainly explains a lot, and I think it might be more common than you realize” I said. I was feeling protective of him because it is not his fault he is a horrible kisser – and he is. The first time he kissed me whilst in congress it was what I call ‘porno tongue’ and I remember clearly stopping him and telling him to never do that again. It was clear I spent a lot of time in my youth kissing and he spent it killing and fucking.
He kisses me often throughout the day for no reason; be it on my forehead, cheek or lips and other body parts and they do not lack passion but during sex it is an awkward movement that is obviously difficult for him to overcome. He has certainly gotten better over the years but sometimes he slips up and I find myself subjected to his mouth simply resting up against mine; open or closed but thankfully he holds back sticking out his tongue. This makes all those other kisses mean so much more but this is also why I tend to chose a lover that is good at it and enjoys it as much as I do.
You can teach someone how to kiss you, there is a certain amount of pleasure that comes from it occurring nicely right away but I assure you if someone is a good kisser it means they have had practice; I did not expect an old soldier that spent most of him time curled up next to his comrade in a muddy fox hole to be a great kisser.