My friend M called and wanted to know if I was up for company Saturday night, my husband was standing beside me and about to leave for work so I asked him to call me back in a while. My husband has no issue with M – we are friends with him and his wife. They are not swingers they are nudists and gear heads so that means they are into our sex machines, sex in the same room with people that are having sex is fine but she has made it very clear in the past under no certain terms is his penis to touch another woman.
A bit of history if you are so inclined. My husband does not abide cheaters, he will invite a single man over to join in on a threesome, PC is a single man that is fucking his wife – what he does not like is the married ‘playing single’ male. D, my husband, feels if he is putting up his wife and his marriage they should too. Though I have been the ‘other woman’ in the past we made this agreement: I would never involve myself with a married man nor would we involve them with us.
M came out to me some time ago about cheating on his wife. Though I do not judge what people do in their relationships, until it involves me, I was honest when I told him that bringing any other woman over to our house was not going to happen. I do not mind being his confidant but I do mind being an accomplice. His wife is a well-connected [redacted] and frankly she even scares me a little; right under the surface is the crazy lady that would make peoples life a living hell simply because she could.
When he called back I was sure to ask him if he was coming alone to which he replied he was not. Now I am a pretty cool chick, I am not terribly uptight and I love nothing more than being a hostess. When it comes to sex I am very reasonable, accepting and though I have my own hard line personal opinions I am rarely out to insult others or be insulted. What part of him thought that since a year had past that I would be okay with him bringing a woman, whom is married as well by the way, here to my home?
He was not being insulting, at least I do not feel he was, as a man his mind is in one place and he is also thinking with his dick – I do not blame him for that nor blame him for trying and the same goes for her because she doesn’t know me; she was probably told that I was cool with it. His mind was stuck in the ‘D and Pyx are cool, they do x and she has a bf’ so naturally he was assuming that I would be understanding (which I am to a degree) and supportive. The dick wants to get wet and I understand that too but men (and women) who cheat often believe they are aware of risk when really they tend to overlook consequence and reality;
Example: he wanted me to take pictures of him on the sex machine and with this woman to post on his ‘single male’ profile on AFF from this computer. I have taken pictures of him on my sex machine before, that is not an issue, but with another woman – what part of him thought that should the chance come to pass his wife, who has access to the same computer he uses at home and does log in on his profile, would not recognize my carpet, my couch and my sex machine?
When you begin to involve other people in the sexual aspect of any relationship, be it swinging or just 3some or group sex or even letting others watch you in a bookstore/on cam, you will inevitably come up against people who think ‘hey they are cool with x because they are doing this so they must be’ and sometimes we give off the impression (maybe not on purpose) that we are so easy going that anything goes. Sometimes in order to get what we want we project an outlook that is false to what it is we are trying to accomplish.
We, who have sex with other people than our partners, that are unconventional with our sexual activities, certainly understand the opinions that some have of our choices: that we are greedy, we are cheating, we’re playing single when we aren’t, we are not committed, lack morals and ethics, loose with sex and love and hedonistically out to risk everything for a moments pleasure. What is often overlooked is the same opinions can come from the very people we involve and are also swingers or in open marriages.
It is not my fault of that of my husband if a guy assumes that because we are in an adult theatre have sex with each other that I am there to involve them or that I am sleazy; it doesn’t hurt my feelings but it does get annoying having to explain yourself to single guys that no, just because I like cock does not mean I will fuck yours.
The only thing I can do is police me – I am a firm believer in setting my standard by example and that means being consistent. Had he show up here with her, though I am not one to make a scene, I am more than able to offer them each a drink and explain my situation and give them the option to leave. I would not have pulled out the sex machine nor would I have let them have sex here.
Hey I get it, this house represents a certain amount of freedom from children and responsibilities when you show up here to ride sex machines and or for a sex party and that is exactly what my husband and I set out to do when we are hosting but I am not running a bordello, this is my home and that is my bed where I sleep with the men in my life. Because I have a boyfriend means I understand what M feels is lacking in his marriage, I also have to accept that he looks at me with a bit of envy but I am not cheating on my husband. It can be hard to look at a friend and say that, somewhere in his head might be the theory that sex with someone other than your husband is cheating – which is why I can’t get angry with him.
I explained once again to M that I am glad he told me and has someone to talk too, I love him and he is my friend. Though his wife is not my best friend, I will never lie to someone: if and when he gets caught I do not want to have blood on my hands. I would not lie to my husband and I respect our house rules, to let them come over tonight would not be okay with D and it was not okay with me. This woman too should be aware, before he even suggested a visit, that I wouldn’t lie to cover up their visit. She is an unknown variable as is her husband and there is no way I am going to risk my husband being confronted by a strange man – about a woman he didn’t even get to fuck.
It is an odd feeling, having to imagine drama in order to cut it out of my life but I have enough life experience and read enough news articles to know that people do eventually get found out and partners do follow their wives – people do look at their husband’s cell phones and internet history and look for evidence. I know that sometimes, though I might be innocent in something, I could end up the target of blame for something I did not do. And yes, I think I am a pretty cool chick and easy going and fun but being able to tell a friend no is just as important.