PC: so I guess I was a bad boyfriend
Pyx: Yes you were
On Saturday I had written out this lovely angry type entry because I was a bit angry but I did not post it because I had made PC a promise: that he will never read about my ‘feelings’ in a blog entry without having talked about them first. What can I say; I have one of those boyfriends that likes to talk about stuff. Me? I border on vengeance and a serious scorched earth policy that usually renders my partners afraid to even take a piss without my approval.
It was helpful to write it out regardless because I am not the sort to drunk dial people so too I am not the kind of girl that blogs angry. I hate the idea of having to regret something; however since I did talk to him (eventually) I am going to use some of my not published work because it is still valid. I think it is.
The short of it: by 2000hrs on Friday I had not heard from PC and we had made plans for the weekend: tentative Friday but prepared for a Saturday departure. Bag is packed by the door, house in order so my husband has to do basically nothing while I am away and just reheat his dinners.
Saturday’s angry entry: I honestly thought something might have gone wrong at work or with his family so I sent a message to his phone (which I rarely do) to make sure they were all okay: everything was fine, have a cold and no motivation. I was relieved and said as much: no longer worried.
My very sweet and supportive husband then calls me from work an hour later to see if I had left yet so I informed that I had not heard from PC and it is best to assume the weekend is off – the reason I did this was that technically I have not heard from PC say the plans are off. I told my husband that I was pretty sure something important came up and it was not a big deal.
Then things got ugly: he was feeling ________ for me. It was horrible, his platitudes about ‘the job’ and how he was certain PC would explain, I was not to ‘worry’ because PC is a good guy “ you will hear from him soon” he said in a soothing voice. Truths to be sure but I did not want to hear this coming from my husband. “I know it wasn’t your plan but if you will have me, I will snuggle you all weekend” he said.
Was he fucking serious?! Now I was getting annoyed, he is my husband NOT my confidant and we don’t snuggle. I laughed it off explaining to him that I wasn’t upset and that it was no big deal and I would ‘love to snuggle with him this weekend’ but then he offered to take me shopping “I will buy you your own xbox and you can kill stuff at home” at the exact same time I noticed a blinking message on my instant messenger from PC: I really should save this information because the cell phone number I tried to call didn’t work.
That did it. Now I was pissed off.
I clicked off the message without reply: I was not in the mood and it was best to just let it be. I got myself a beer and began to make myself something to eat and as I did things started to pop into my head without any control of stopping them: after almost of two years of fucking me he did not keep my phone number? Was the internet broken? Not even so much as an offline message on messenger – not even an email and surely he has internet capabilities at home and at work: blackberry, cell phone,computer, lap top and tablet. Just when exactly did he know he was not up for this weekend and why wasn’t I told about it? Had I not said a thing when was he going to let me know? WTF!?
I broke my egg yolk by accident and I realized that regardless of what I was thinking I had no right to the answers. I am just a house wife after all; a home economics advisor, and surely I have no life that requires planning and preparations because I can just go back to doing what I would normally so why bother telling me things had changed. I have never said no to PC, I have never so much as said a peep to him in regards to things that might bother me, I remain perfectly agreeable so why would notification even present itself as a requirement: I’m easy. I’m married. I am someone else’s problem. I got myself another beer and went with baked beans and toast. I like my eggs over easy. I sat myself down to watch something in the hopes it would distract my current train of thought but it wasn’t working quick enough.
That last flashing ‘unmotivated’ message was all I got, not a sorry but this weekend is off, not a ‘we will talk later when I feel better’ nothing and the only reason I got that was because I said something first.
First thing this morning my husband asked if had I heard from PC yet but to make it all worse he tried to be funny by saying “heathen [redacted] stand up my wife will he” and that kind of hurt but I again said I was sure something important came up and it was no big deal. I did ask him to stop mentioning it but this is what I will hear all weekend and he is looking at me as though I got stood up for Prom and it is making things worse! Single guys sometimes overlook that in a way they are dating two people, a pair, not that my husband had great plans but he is surely affected that my plans have changed. I don’t like it.
Saturday PC messages me about some music I had left for him – I replied and went about my day, still no word from him about the plans being canceled. I am a smart woman I know they are but I deserve to hear it and he should say it. Sunday he gets a bit chattier, obviously feeling better and that was great but I was not in a place to feel pity for him. I don’t remember how it came up but I was going to not say something and he admitted he was a bad boyfriend.
I do not like to argue but I also think that they happen and are important to set a standard of resolution: the way we disagree and settle that disagreement speaks volumes to me and it is important in any relationship (friends included). I tend to use humour when I can, yes I was right and he did apologize but I jokingly wanted him to start feeling better. I did not want him to feel too much guilt but he should know what I went through: feel my pain!
I had to watch some crap ass show called DEFIANCE with my husband on Saturday night, I drank enough beer and passed out only to find it was still playing when I regained consciousness – I had decided that night I was in fact in Purgatory. I had died overseas and this was the waiting room to hell. This show is bad, my husband asking me if I had heard from PC every other hour was bad, everything I cooked for him was meat and potatoes … there was no end in sight. The weekend kinda sucked.
PC has my number now you can be assured of that. I had to giggle a few times because he really is sweet and I know he feels bad. I am going to find a way for him to make it up to me – I might just make him sit through DEFIANCE but it would upset me more if he actually liked it.