To catch you all up my First Nations (Native American) name is Trips on Rocks.
I am a strange sort of klutz: no matter where I am and what age if there is a pebble on the road or pathway it will find me and jump out and trip me. It is a shameful thing to see because people usually assume by the way I fall to the ground that I have been shot and as they look around for evidence the only thing they find is a tiny rock or pebble.
I gave up a long time ago trying to be cool when walking down the sidewalk and sneaking a peek at working crews: the last time I looked at the well-tanned muscles on a road crew it lead to them throwing down their tools to rescue me from a bright orange plastic fence that I had gotten tangled in because… you guessed it! I tripped over a rock. Yeah, tres sexy.
So naturally you would think ‘what the hell is she like in high heels?’ Well what you might not know is I am an honest to gawd diploma certified graduate of etiquette school. Yes back in the day when such things still existed I was taught at a young age to walk in heels with a book on my head and how to properly bend when serving tea and which way to cross my ankles in a conversation when seated.
The problem being everyday life did not require me to wear heels; it really is a talent one must practice to acquire and keep. I have spent my life in army boots so when I put heels on I am naturally terrified that I will trip on something and break my ankle. Worse I fear the humiliation of such a thing happening when I am trying to be ‘sexy’.
I am not a shoe girl like a lot of girls seem to be: I honestly wear every pair of shoes I have. I do not hoard them because I think I just had to have them but I do not ignore the fact that shoes do add to the overall look and feel. As a Dominatrix a lot of the shoes I had didn’t require me to walk in them much, they were for fetishists and I enjoy that they got pleasure from the shoe and not so much from their being functional.
PC’s birthday is coming so I had the bright idea of a strip tease and this involves heels.
Barefoot I stand five foot seven. PC is a good foot taller than me, at least he feels that way. My husband is a few inches shorter than me so needless to say wearing heels has become a rare event so when it comes time that I want to wear them – I have to practice.
Like a good soldier I put my heels on while I am in the house doing my everyday house things: vacuum, dishes, cooking and of course I take the time to choose a song and move to it in heels.
What cruel fate blessed me with a ferret that has a shoe fetish I know not but be they be dammed!
As soon as the heel clicks on the wood floor, Banditovichski (the ferret) comes out of nowhere and attaches his little ferret fangs on the shoe: anywhere he can. So here I am trying to be diplomatic to a beloved pet while trying to pry him off my shoe and save it from being marked: all the while balancing myself. A ferret is nothing more than a small badger – same bad stubborn attitude.
Off come the shoes. I will wait till he is sleeping soundly in his cage.
A couple of hours pass and I have not seen nor heard Banditovichski so I slip the shoes back on only this time I had the genius idea of staying on the carpet. Aha! This should save me. I walk around things are going well and the phone rings.
I walk over to get the phone and barely touched the wood floor with the tip of my shoe and as pushed the TALK button I moved my body back around to stand on the carpet only it is a dark blue carpet with … well it’s a fucking carpet and hidden in its scrolls of browns and greens I catch the glimpse of two little beady black eye balls.
The words ‘[redacted] residence’ are leaving my mouth as my spine goes stiff and I try to compensate my foot placement mid stride to NOT step on the ferret.
I hear the voice say hello and began to talk as I miss the ferret who is now zoning in on my recovery and moving to where my foot is about to land.
I fall over.
“I am sorry Cyn I need a moment I just fell” I was laughing so why try to hide it.
“Why did you fall?” She laughs (I turn red) but is generally curious.
“Because I am obviously outsmarted by a creature with a brain the size of a pea” I said “I put on some heels to practice a strip tease and he is obsessed with them”
Laughter. More laughter and what I think is her slapping her knee.
“This is exactly the reaction and humiliation I was trying to avoid” I mumbled as I removed the ferret’s death grip from the shoe.
“Thank god he doesn’t have a thing for nipple tassels” she teases.