Emotionally it has been one set of bad news after the other – mind you it could always be worse – but I find that I am often ill prepared to deal with other people’s expectations of emotions. It is not that I completely lack emotion but truly when faced with a situation where I am unable to do anything … why do something just for the sake of appearing that I am?
Having a teenage girl in the house, though she has not demanded anything of me, is draining. I am out of practice and clearly not equipped to handle the roller coaster that is online facebook life of a teenage girl by today’s standard. I have so rarely kept the company of other females because watching them go from happy to bawling their eyes out in zero to sixty seconds flat is confusing. My question of ‘why are you upset?’ was met with ‘it’s nothing’ and my suggestion of ‘turn the fucking thing off and step away from the computer’ registered at the ultimate offence. Sigh, I truly feel for the future of humanity lest they find themselves devoid of actual same room experiences with other human beings – including being upset.
PC has remained relatively silent these past couple months- minus his birthday evening out – but otherwise I am simply following his lead though I keep my disappointment to myself. It was wonderful to have him here with my family on Christmas day as I enjoy his company but I have to admit I still feel put off and strange in his regard. I was desperate for his companionship when I got my double dose of bad news but he never made mention of my message. I did not regret asking him for a moment of his time nor do I hold any anger towards him for overlooking any concern – I did however make a point of reminding myself that this is why I tend to keep to myself.
Unfortunately for me Alex called to arrange my cutting his grandfather’s hair and one thing lead to another – I confided my bad news to him. It was uncomfortable talking this way with a perfect stranger but he presents genuine interest and was rather insistent with being supportive any way he could. I chose instead of a visit, which I put off hair cutting for a later date, for a nice online game of scrabble (though it is not called scrabble) to which we chatted through my whipping his ass. He was then so taken as to download yahoo and we laughed some time away on that – the games have become regular but when I am not playing I have removed myself from getting involved: I am not yet prepared to make a move till PC is completely removed, Alex still makes me feel as though I am cheating.
As for my non existent sex life – well that is it really. I have not had sex for almost a month and it is killing me during my ovulating cycle. Alex invited me out for new year’s eve and I was far too tempted. I certainly understand my husband’s disposition to NOT having sex while we have teenage company but those random anonymous sexual encounters are ever calling my name. I get it, I get it, you guys have a bed at home so why fuck in a car or out in the wood someplace but the pussy wants what it wants and I have secretly toyed with the idea of meeting someone for a bit of a romp in the woods. Nothing long and drawn out, nothing tender and sweet, nothing terribly intimate and lots of kissing – more like a physical collision that leaves one with whiplash – quick and to the point would be great.
I have assured myself I will be making up for this lack of sex come new year – when my guest has departed – and if it involves several men at once so be it. Perhaps 2014 should be the year of the foursome, forget wasting time trying to find compatible couples and the ever mystical single female because I am pretty sure I am going to have to import another Canadian female like myself in order for any of those fantasies to come to life but right now I am just too exhausted.