These guys keep coming up with new ways to freak everyone out about winter weather.
A polar vortex? Seriously?!!
Tundra like weather in the Midwest? The fucking tundra…
I went to town yesterday and there is no bread but whole wheat left on the shelves – that is fine with me – there was no meat and try to find a can of baked beans (I make my own) but the place was a ghost town.
For a moment I thought all that preparation for the Zombie apocalypse had gone to waste and I missed it. I asked one nice girl behind the counter what the hell was going on ‘bad weather coming’ she said as a box of empty crackers did its best to emulate tumble weed.
Look I get it, sometimes it is good to be prepared, bad weather can leave people stuck and certainly I know something about that. What I do not understand is why these meteorologists do this every fucking month! I sometimes get the impression that if Americans are not in FEAR of something, yes even the fucking weather, the news agencies go out of their way to make them afraid: when our weather forecasters are trying to outdo each other by taking fear up a notch we have a serious problem.
I’m Canadian, I EXPECT snow and winter like conditions during this season. I know schools will cancel, traffic will suck, shoveling is in my future and snot will freeze to the inside of my brain. Do we usually get 20 inches in one day, no but I lived in a place where wet freezing rain happened every year – it was not the end of the world. That is baby making weather people!
My new American life consists of monthly Bunny Bread shortages, line ups for .22 bullets and purchase limits, McD’s line ups no matter what time of the day, meteorologists and TV news crews making up words, The NEW Republican Party and some guy named Ted Cruz that was Canadian…. Duck Dynasty underwear and camouflage lingerie….
In the land of 4×4 trucks and SUV’s, hunters and Walmart gatherers, iPhones and tablets and all you can eat buffets – I have a very hard time trying to figure out why these people aren’t already prepared to not leave their homes for a few days and do not take such cautious action when it is something that really matters.
The next meteorologists that does this I will personally hunt down and skull fuck with the biggest strap on dildo I can find till I mount his weather map reading ass on my wall. Fuckasssessss.