I don’t know what it is like for other people but in the heat of the moment, even during sex, when I say something I mean it – reality is never far removed- I am not the sort to say something for the sake of it being said or the impact it would have on someone’s fantasy. I tend to be very literal even in the throes of passion.
My homecoming sex with PC is put off another week because of flight delays (my niece is still here) and as much as I enjoy seeing him, even with others around, I think we are both in need of some time alone together. Not just because we want to have sex but we have not been alone for months now and every relationship deserves that intimacy- even a conversation.
Because I am overly cautious with what I say, there are often pauses of silence during conversations. Usually I am trying to prepare my delivery, secondly I have to ask myself if I really want to be honest/blunt and tell someone what I am really thinking but most importantly I have to take into account who I am saying it too.
This can prove awkward in sexual conversations.
When we are apart PC and me chat, a lot, about anything and everything so naturally there are some pretty hot and heavy sexual conversations. This might sound strange but it is not just what he says that keeps my attention, that gets me wet and wanting him it is that he means it and THAT is the biggest turn on: intention and a desire to follow through on a particular fantasy together. Yes we all have fantasies but finding someone who will act them out with you is nothing less than spectacular.
Sometimes this means I admit things that I normally would not.
He knows as soon as we set a date to meet up my body and brain lethally mix to keep me on sexual edge: I feel as though I am walking around on the verge of an orgasm and anything he does or says can send me into one. He keeps me suspended there with the reality of denial, because I have to wait to touch him, and takes great pleasure in teasing me mercilessly before I can but it is one of the things I love about him.
So there I was feeling frustrated that I had to wait another week to see him when he pulled out the ultimate torture card: he turned on his cam, he got himself naked and began to stroke his cock for me. It is not only challenging and extremely enjoyable to watch in the same room because I know at some point his cock will be in my mouth but virtually removed I have no recourse other than watching and waiting.
My brain fires up as soon as I see his cock – I know that cock, I want that cock and my whole body reacts to the memory of it. My skin begins to feel sensitive, my pussy throbs and gets slick, my mouth waters… and then I hear him growl as both his hands slide down his shaft … then one of us says something that makes the whole thing even more intense.
I know he can go out and fuck something else this week and as much as I would love to see it, that doesn’t bother me. From brain to fingers tips without so much as a thought I had to admit to him that I am territorial. Certainly I am good with sharing, I want to watch him fuck another woman or hear about it but that doesn’t mean I am without the basic desire to be set above another. It is not just ego but when you involve other people in your sex life there are certain acts that now take on a different symbolic meaning: some of us only do certain things with the people we love vs the ones we are fucking.
I was watching his hand stroke the cock my body was screaming out for, my eyes unwilling to blink as to not miss one moment, and I began to imagine it inside another woman. I am rather certain she, whom ever she is, would get as much pleasure as I do from it. I want to see him make her cum I want to hear her and him enjoying each other but I want his cum all to myself.
What got me cumming was that he agreed.
I have no idea why it is we are thinking the same thing at the same time but without thought I felt no need to hide the fact that there are parts of him that I want all to myself. For us it is a moment of great satisfaction and the first time he was bare cumming inside me is a constant replayed memory. It is the one thing, though to some a small thing, that sets me above anything else he fucks. For me it is not only denying someone else that which I covet but a way of saying this (or a part of) is mine.