Anything you can do I can do better

what theNo, I am not saying that I can, however I was watching porn last night and I distinctly get the impression that some of these people have gone over the edge to top one another and wonder if that is the pleasure in doing some of the things they do.

If I am not offended, laughing and gagging – it is not good porn. I am a fan of the freak show tent side of life!

I say that because I don’t want you to think that I am watching the airbrushed and Vaseline heavy lens type of ‘love’ making that is available out there because I’m not. Sex for me is a full body contact sport so naturally the porn that I watch tends to reflect some rather odd or impressive feats of physical ability depending on how you look at porn.

What can I say, I will give a standing ovation at my computer and salute the people in the video who have managed to make me feel ‘normal’. Hey if you want your prized pittbull to fuck your woman (as she calls out OH REX YES!)  and have the audacity to try and pull him off before he is finished, you deserve to lose that hand. Bravo fucktards and thank you for posting the video.

I am of a particular age where I lived a life before the internet, around the age of 26 is when I had a computer and dial up installed in the house, so there is a progression to what I have seen out there. Human nature as it stands does not surprise me we do some of the dumbest things never imagined but I chalk that up to personal choice, and the execution of freedom and liberty.

Over the past ten years I have noticed the more extreme in human talents that border on the insane being posted for our adult pleasurable consumption. Do not get me wrong there are things that I will never do, nor do I enjoy watching, but I believe they have a right to be on the internet because I fear that someday what I enjoy will be deemed ‘unmoral’ and taken away.

So a woman might choose to fist herself (yay I didn’t know I could do that) and progresses to having her man double fist her to seeing what else she can stick up there. There is a monetary bonus when there are people out there that will pay to see it, so she might take video or put her cam on. Somewhere it seems perfectly logical, given that persons predispositions, to impress her audience.

35 Crayola markers – okay well they are tucked in there nicely but is it pleasurable or is the pay check what pleases her the most. I know not.

A toilet bowl brush –  ouch, seriously? Don’t you like your pussy and want to keep putting things in there?

A wood bed post – okay how the fuck does that even cross one’s mind to modify…. Nevermind.

But last night I was prompted by internet fairies that suggest clips for me, to watch a particular video. The introduction seemed nice enough, pretty blond out in the woods with a few guys; I like outdoor sex and I like group sex, I hope it gets rough…

What I saw next had me watching because I was unable to calculate the reasoning behind it. The men cut down what looked like a small tree, maybe ten years old, but no sapling by any means. The woman took her seat on a large rock at a good height as the men approached her with the tree.

I shit you not.

The one guy looked at whoever was taking the video as if to say ‘are you serious? We are really doing this?’ and probably thought it was a prank but there she was legs spread open and awaiting wood. Literarily. And like watching a car accident happen in slow motion, there I was watching the end of the trunk be shoved into her body.

The only logical explanation I can come up with she is famous somewhere in her corner of the virtual world for making things disappear. I know that porn is created by demand that we humans, not just men, like to see others (often women) humiliated, exposed, used and tortured but for this to make any sense to me at all it must be done out of competition: I will see your crockpot and up you a tree.

I wonder what her gynecologist sees…

12 comments on “Anything you can do I can do better

  1. kdaddy23 says:

    Wait… wait… did you really say tree trunk?

    • Pyx says:

      Yes.
      I really said tree trunk.
      3 grown men to hold it.
      A bloody fucking tree!!!

      • kdaddy23 says:

        And you actually watched this? See, here I was thinking that I’d seen and/or heard of a lot of shit porn can bring to the screen… but trees in the coochie? What made you keep watching – morbid fascination?

      • Pyx says:

        I was half expecting it to be a gag myself, that it would cut to another clip or something but then as they touched her with, I was curious to see if she would exhibit some sound of joy or pleasure… morbid fascination is about right.

        Of course I was also waiting for a major fail – or beaver attack but I’m sick like that.

      • kdaddy23 says:

        Do I want to know how much of the tree got inserted? And that you even watched this makes me rethink my thoughts about your sanity!

      • Pyx says:

        All things considered, i’ve seen worse.

        I believe it had to be only what would consist of an inch, if that, but it was the ridiculous idea of using a tree, cutting it down and trying to impale her on it that was by far the most ive seen anyone go to – for what? I have no idea.

        There are people who do special request videos so maybe someone paid up?

        If I see her give the Honda Civic a go, I will send you the link *wink

  2. 'Tis says:

    W…T…F??? A tree? A fuckin tree? Bahahahaha! I know this shouldn’t make me laugh, but seriously what else can you do?

    I guess I’m also curious as to how that could even be a turn on for a guy. I mean, so every time he sees a vagina now, won’t he have that image stuck in his head? “I once impaled a woman on a TREE!!!! It was Hot!!!” NOT!!! How is that a turn on?

    • Pyx says:

      A tree.

      Oh yes, please do laugh, I mean no one can take that seriously – even for people who have a fetish of putting strange objects in their holes this is ridiculous!

      The guys in the video did not look turned on, they were muscle, holding up the tree… I would imagine the guy who it does turn on is sitting at home.

      I love the internet, I like that porn is easy to access but we have reached a point where things are just getting a bit silly and extreme and begs the question: what that actually enjoyable

      • 'Tis says:

        Next thing you know they’ll be warning labels outside of forests that the trees are not meant to be inserted in body cavity. May cause harm, permanent damage or in some extreme cases even death.

        Yeah, that doesn’t sound enjoyable to me.

      • Pyx says:

        If my new slow cooker in the future comes with a warming that it should be put into the body cavity – I am going to rethink my internet habits but till then, it did not excite me to watch it but I have never been shy about peeking in on other people’s kink: even when I dont get it.

        This is what happened when we shut down freak show tents at carnivals – they all have cams now.

      • 'Tis says:

        LOL, I quite enjoy being a voyeur and honestly would rather watch things that are outside of what’s normal for me or maybe things I would like to experience myself. I don’t get as much out of watching those things that I myself have already partook in.

        But, this, this made me gasp out loud! Talk about making me feel like a pastor’s daughter. 😉 haha

  3. The Hook says:

    What about splinters?
    Maybe she was an “Evil Dead” fan?

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