The past couple of weeks I have been in my own head, not a big deal but time had come for our last and most beloved pet to part ways with us – it was one of those painfully slow torturous demises where every other day it seemed like he would recover – he did not and we had to put him down. Anyhow the house feels strange, as though the power is off and I admittedly have been out of sorts.
That means my sex life suffers.
Me? When I get a cold I want to fuck. When I stub my toe, after jumping around cursing, I want to fuck. Oh look butter is on sale, lets fuck! I am pretty much ready to fuck all the time but no moment stands to leave me in more need than funerals and emotional distress which requires a good offensive fucking. Dead is dead but what is one thing only the living can do – fuck.
Good thing you have two cocks! Well no, not really. Obviously my husband is also in a state of mourning and there is nothing less sexy than a woman with puffy red eyes walking around sobbing. I would not expect him to even be able to rise to the occasion nor do I believe in putting that demand on him at this time, he is torn up.
PC has been going through his own changes and for the past six weeks has been relatively silent – which admittedly sort of created a rift as far as I am concerned – but when we have partners it is not always about us and so we wait. And trust me, I have been waiting.
So both my guys, aside from the dead one, are going through shit. I am doing my best to be supportive, happy, and generally removed from being an obstacle: this means there are no demands for their time, attention and certainly not the time to make any sudden changes. This also means I am not bothering them for sex.
Kdaddy is going to make a smart ass comment about my lack of working vibrator and ask if I regret not ordering it earlier: YES! For a girl that doesn’t enjoy masturbation it has been terribly difficult not having this tool for quick and reliable release. It’s a vibrator, by no means replaces cock, but it can be effective. My hands are great but a vibe is a bit more… direct and intense… am I the only one that puts in a mouth guard when they jerk off? Even masturbation alone is a full contact sport!
For some, they might not believe the words loyalty, commitment, and honesty apply to a woman that is fucking and loves two men. However I am all those things, to a fault sometimes, and have given them both my word on which they can depend. It would be a great failure on my part that while they are both distracted to some degree, I simply disregard our boundaries around this little strange threesome we have going on, and find someone else. The temptation however is there but I am not about to cheat on either of them (it’s okay to laugh at that, I am).
Certainly they would both understand ‘it’s just sex’ but truth be told any extra cock that walks through the door will be in the presence of one of theirs. That sounded strange to say but basically that is the agreement I have: D trusts PC and that is the only extra single cock I keep, and if either of them invite someone else over during their time with me, it is with either of them in the room. But given the current environment, no 3somes are in my immediate future this week or the next.
Then a certain confluence took place. I had been thinking of making a Violet Wand purchase and a couple days later found this one. It all inspired me to write my own BDSM Craigslist ad in the hopes of finding something to beat on, sexual but not for intercourse. I of course took the time to carefully write something short but straightforward making it very clear that asexuals were welcome but I am open to both male or female. I did include that I was not looking for sissy maid for this particular endeavour. My ad was flagged within two minutes of being up.
That is one of processes D and PC are dealing with, I can justify anything and honestly my kink doesn’t require me to fuck what I beat, so it seemed perfectly natural to seek out this outlet. I have been keeping an eye out for a submissive male for some time but I chose now to actively do so by writing the advert.
The next day, after my ad had been removed, I found a female that was seeking another female with a Violet Wand. Seriously, you cannot make this shit up! I like some girls, I like Violet Wands and she has sexual submissive tendencies… I thought perhaps the NSA was setting me up; it was all too quick and easy. I wrote her and she wrote me back (and we have been going back and forth over the past 24 hours).
Now my guy brain of course says ‘yay, pussy. Let’s get it on’ but of course she is a woman and there is a certain amount of wooing involved. I prefer to cut all that out when I can but most women, and they are not wrong in doing so, like to know a bit about the person they are going to maybe get naked in front of. The not so politically correct way of saying this is: women are never a for sure thing (guys are so much easier and willing to let me use electricity on their ball sack).
I have to fight off my guy brain and tap into my female brain (with the help of PC no less) so I don’t scare this poor doe off. I get into Dominant mode, because I do take it seriously and I am high protocol, and that can be rather intimidating to someone who lacks a certain amount of experience. It is difficult to have to be so careful but worth it should it pay off. If and when it pays off are the big questions here.
So why did I even bother writing all of this out? Well it is honestly what is going on, I am torn between inviting someone over and just having my husband watch (or join in) but again I feel bad for entertaining the idea when he is still dealing with death his own way. PC is not a sexual option right now.
I am going to tell you what will come to pass:
In two weeks’ time, I will still have gone without sex, and this little girl will have vanished because her ovulation cycle that was driving her mad with sexual want has subsided. Pyx will still not have purchased a vibrator because she prefers real flesh over medical silicone and is a hopeful sort but you can mark my word: I will be an even more sexually frustrated female. Let us all hope in two weeks I do not come to justify two extra strange cocks, even if only for a few hours.