Sunday Sermon on my Mound

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The evolution of sex toys; is directly linked to our evolution and self-awareness. Praise be to us because of the adventures and availability of porn, same sex and bisexual relationships no longer being a sin in back alley transactions, sex has become something people have placed a priority on. We are no longer willing to be denied this glory, the ecstasy and the intimacy.

If the mountain will not come to Mohammed then Mohammed must go to the mountain. The toy industry not only stood to pass through the eye of a needle but we were going to hold the reins and help. In doing so they had to change the way they present us with options: capitalism consumer buying power at its finest. We started buying German made toys and paying the expensive import tax/exchange rates and we talked about sex and the toys out there with our friends and soon the West followed. Ahhmen.

Ladies and gentlemen, please let us all bow our heads and agree that we of a particular age have a sexual past that is fraught with failures, tears, laughter, mishaps and are now able to sit back with amazement that we got any sex at all let alone a second date.

We are no longer subject to the ridiculous magazine/catalogue orders and the adult store’s limited imported ‘ancient Chinese secret to orgasms’  type toys: it was with great trepidation on both our genders to pull out the Crotching Tiger and Hyman Dragon let alone use it.

I am rather certain more men were told where they could put those small heavy ‘gold’ ben wa balls than there were women who tried them out. Not only were the toys a scary sight to behold, of the lowest quality but in time we came to learn that the materials were dangerous and could cause serious damage to our precious parts. We have always cared about what we put in to our bodies but we were choosing from the lesser of all evils.

Dildo Harness Underpants!

Dildo Harness Underpants!

So let us all now rejoice in the glory that is safe and tasteful toys, that we ladies enjoy choosing and purchasing for ourselves, along with our partners and our friends. There is no longer the shame of D cell batteries in the night stand. We have tossed off the shackles of hard plastic ‘personal massagers from Sears’ for soft medical silicone. No longer must we turn off the lights to have sex because we cannot bear to see ourselves in ridiculous faux silk lingerie that never quite fit and gave us a rash. Toys are now an acceptable way to express ourselves instead of just the fantasy.

We are on bended knee, thankful, that the sex industry learned that a G-string need not involve an elastic strap between my ass cheeks, that underpants can be sexy, crotchless and made of cotton!  That there are women who pack too much great round supple ass to fit in a one size fits all and that my size D tits can be supported by a brazier that does not resemble a back brace or something my great grandmother wore.

Pipe Dream Elite

Pipe Dream Elite

Though I believe Viagra to be the work of the devil, I know that for some it is truly a gift of the gods that I cannot deny has it’s benefit for some. Instead we should be pleased that a man cares enough to swallow one for her pleasure – though I would argue any hard on lasting for more than four hours only need see a midlife woman to be cured – men are no longer burning their cocks off with stay hard creams and sprays. They too now have condoms that fit. Not all our sons are being forced circumcised because their mothers think it looks ‘cleaner’.

Praise be to us, we did this, we are the ones that said I am going to pay extra for something because it does not make laugh, feel silly or smell bad. I want something that looks good, feels good, and might pass undetected should the kids find it. I want something of quality for my hard earned dollars that is going to last more than one night because I expect to have sex again.  I want something that is made with my pussy in mind, my pleasure, my desires and not simply because a man wants to see me wear it or use it.

Spare Parts Strap on Harness

Spare Parts Strap on Harness

I have been strap on shopping, I am inspired.

9 comments on “Sunday Sermon on my Mound

  1. kdaddy23 says:

    Amen! Preach it, sista!

    • Pyx says:

      Amen brother Kd.

      Aren’t those underpants harness just amazing – I could have those on under my jeans during the whole date and then get a guy or girl home and with just one movement put on the attachment and BOOM, get right at it.

      no more stepping into the harness, having to fiddle with it getting twisted around, tripping over it as I try, tightening up the straps… all while someone watches me and thinks ‘im about to let that klutz have my ass?’

      • kdaddy23 says:

        I thought they were pretty cool and damned functional! I always thought that conventional harnesses were way too… complicated; by the time a woman struggles into it and gets situated, the mood could go right out the window.

        But with them, yeah, baby, you could be giving some guy or gal the high hard one in a few scant seconds!

  2. hissierra9 says:

    Halleluyers! lol

  3. G says:

    I want those underpants!

  4. The Hook says:

    Once again… I am speechless.

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