The angry goose and the plucked gander

Girl Plucking Down
My legs closed instinctively as though my brain had tied my knees together and with my whole body I knew there was a serious problem. The problem is not the sex the problem is a personal one and this is how the reality of it manifests itself:

My mother could never understand why I would blow off my curfew when I knew it would get me in trouble and I answered her honestly: I already know I am 15 minutes late and that I am going to be grounded so why not just stay out the extra three hours?

“She asked if I was still seeing you” he said “hinting at a foursome with your husband”

My brain was so quick to play out the scenario that will never happen: there is simply no way I could have sex with PC in front of my husband. Just the thought of it made me feel awkward and terribly exposed. He then casually informed that he got a “blow job but no actual penetration” from his date – a girl he has had sex with before- so it was no surprise to me that it happened.

Want to know what my honest first thought was?

Blow jobs are penetrative you idiot so why the fuck did you not just not go all the way?

What is the difference between pussy and mouth? They are both wet fleshy holes that accept and hold bacteria. One has teeth and the other metaphorically has jaws… did people just accept Bill Clinton’s redefinition that oral sex isn’t sex?

I am not saying that PC is going to be grounded for getting a blow job from another woman; come on I gave a guy a hand job and let him eat me out over my tights, sex is the last thing that is going to get my panties in a knot. I do appreciate that he even told me at all. I really didn’t think he was going too and I’m glad he did.

A loud voice rang out in my ears, sending a shiver down my right arm: who the fuck asks someone if they are still seeing a girl and then when he says yes … does that come up during the blow job or after? And people think I’m weird.

I felt my cheeks go a bit hot red as though I had been slapped by my own open hand for being the butt end of a joke. Maybe it is funny but I cannot help feeling that I am the punch line.

Odd I know. More than anything I hate feeling humiliated even when it is by strangers.

But that was when my knees locked up but not for the reasons you are thinking.

The laugh track kicked in and every fiber of my being reacted in pure instinct to the duplicity I was hit with. Just a couple of weeks ago I called off a diner date with a man that I had no intentions of having sex with (and we have no sexual history) because it made PC uncomfortable: at which point we (PC and Me) both once again communicated that sexually we are not going to involve other people unless it is us together. My intentions where honest and sincere, it was going to just be dinner but PC’s feelings are more important than steak (yes it is okay to swoon and faint a little here) so I chose to cancel the dinner date. There is another important but private instance that even in a fantasy context correlates with this sentiment but you are going to have to take my word for it; the impact of what he was feeling makes this all the more hurtful offensive.

Now my face is numb it is so red hot and my writing skills go downhill,
Because,
It is okay for him to out for dinner with a girl but it is not okay for me to go out to dinner with a guy?

Even though they had a sexual history I did not once feel uneasy or protest them going out: he said they were just going out as friends to get out of the house and he really wanted sushi.

So now it is okay that his dinner lead to sexual contact but the idea of it happening on my date was…

I keep having to get up and walk around a little bit because I cannot believe this is coming from him. I tend to think better when I am standing up but I am honestly surprised enough to have to write this out. When are men going to get it through their fucking thick skulls – you can’t have it both ways!

He should have fucked her …

This messes things up so much for me because now I have two options;
I said “you can bet I am going out on my dinner date now” and all he could say was “I know” but where would that put me? Where would that put my date? Certainly I would still like to think I would enjoy his company and a steak dinner but after previously canceling the reason would be to do what exactly? Level the playing field?

‘Oh my bf went out and got sushi and a blow job so now it’s my turn’ This is not a fucking economic policy! And how tacky would that be … seriously.

Of course knowing that if I do go out for dinner with a guy it will hurt his feelings and this puts me in a place that I am starting to resent already. I should not have to prove this point to anyone especially a man, in particular this man, because what… guys can be just friends with girls (clearly not) but girls cannot handle just being friends OR casual sex?

Me, because I am the woman, am I expected to be all grown up and motherly by taking the ‘emotionally sensitive’ high ground and not go out with men, even platonically, because he is struggling with feelings?! I should consider the whole while he got to just consider busting a nut?

Fucccccccccccccccccccck

Fuckity fuck fuck fucking mother fuck cock sucking ass munching fuccccccccccccck.

I loathe this kind of crap.

5 comments on “The angry goose and the plucked gander

  1. kdaddy23 says:

    I see that the double standard has landed upon you like six tons of bricks… and you write as if you never saw this coming. It just stands to reason that he’s not going to be okay with you giving up the pussy to anyone other than your husband and him but he goes out, gets blown and it should be no big deal because he didn’t fuck her… like that really makes a difference in the grand scheme of things.

    Now if you turn around and have that dinner date and decide that you’re gonna break this guy off a nice piece, is it because you really want to fuck this guy… or is revenge/rebellion really on your mind and you want to show PC that what’s good for the goose is even better for the gander? If so – and in case you don’t know – this never really works and for most people, it causes more problems than it ever solves. But, if you do nothing you start to think that he’s gotten away with something and unless I’ve read you incorrectly, that’s not gonna sit well with you.

    For a while now, I’ve gotten the sense that you and PC feel that you belong to each other… but not really; you both recognize that you’re both free agents of a sort but not so much; you’re in that twilight zone of being in a relationship with each other but not officially and this writing suggests that you’ve now discovered that this sucks and not in a good way. This situation allows the double standard to be called on and you have no recourse because, officially, you don’t belong to each other so anything’s fair… but it really isn’t.

    But it’s not that this has happened – it’s what the two of you decide to do about it.

    • Pyx says:

      You are correct I did not see this coming. I am not ashamed to admit that emotionally I have followed his lead and trusted him in that regard but I am now going to shifting some of my own parameters so that I am not caught off guard again. I have accepted this part of other people, their paradigm, but like most things it never presents itself till it does right?

      I have always found the idea of him being with another woman terribly exciting, even now it is wonderful to think that he got a complete blow job (something I can not do lol) but I am in fact taken aback by the male vs female role here. She was given full liberty to express her sexuality as he was while I sat at home and waited…

      PC, me and my husband make the rules – my husband and I together, PC and me together with the triad in mind – these rules include the people that bump up against us. He is a great guy, I have always been prepared for a time when a fantastic girl would catch his eye but that is not what this is. And if I ever believed for a moment that he was mine it was only because he told me and followed suit with his actions and I returned the sentiment willingly.

      Sex with other people never bothered me but it bothered him until it was him having it.

      A standard that has no founding in our agreement, any conversations that we have had private and the things we have say to each other – I cannot stand anyone, man or woman, that says one thing and does another because it then calls motive to question why they said those things at all.

      I have been doing this far too long to know that we all have options here, yes it comes down to what we do about it – but for me, I am getting tired of having ‘the talk’ because the talk is going to be a different one than all the ones before it because in a moment of passion the rules changed and I was uninformed that that was an option or at least I feel that option of ‘moment of passion’ was denied to me every time I stayed home instead of going out with a guy because of how he felt.

      For two years this April I have been doing my best to take how he feels into account, which is a big deal for me truly, and I thought I was actually getting better with it LOL

      I might lack ability to deal with emotions like most others but I am strategic to a fault in that I would NEVER use another man nor do I believe in doing things to get even – you are bang on there, it does not do anyone any good – but this does change my opinion of him enough that we should consider where to go from here. This is not going to be something I get over in a day, though I am already more calm than I was when I wrote this entry, he has to know that his management of this was wrong from the go.

      My biggest issue right now is to not slip into cynical Pyx, where I am comforted by the fact that sooner or later everyone I have ever known lets me down, because certainly some of my expectations were of my own making – I do feel I knew better but willingly I changed the way I go about other relationships because of who he is, because I trust him and love him and as far as poly is concerned that is a part of it and never a bad thing.

      As with all things this too will pass and I remain hopeful it does so without regret or my implementation of a scorched earth policy in regard to all men for a month LOL

      I am actually surprised that I wrote this blog entry at all – see, I am trying at the whole ‘feelings’ thing! I just suck at it

      • kdaddy23 says:

        My most darling Pxy, this usually happens in such situations and no matter what everyone does to ensure that it won’t and, no, I’ve never been sure why it just happens – I just know it does. Okay, so you got bitch-slapped and that surprises me and, somehow doesn’t but, okay, you’ve seen the light so the question becomes one of now what?

        If you, your hubby and PC got together and set the rules, perhaps it’s time to get together and review and, perhaps, revise them; too many people who get into this as you have set the rules and kinda forget them and without thinking that the longer everyone is involved, the more things are gonna change, oh, like the feelings you have for PC, feelings that you often deny having while admitting you have them in spades. I say there’s nothing wrong with this – I expected it to happen, to be honest… but have the three of you accounted for this and other changes in your dynamic?

        I think not. Sure, you can turn into cynical Pyx, that woman who is so cold and calculating in her approach to things… but what’s that gonna get you? If you lack the ability to deal with emotions (and I think this is a lie you’ve been telling yourself, by the way), then the question is why can’t you… and then what is it you need to do in order to be able to deal with them? Ah, you’ll figure that out.

        If you have “the talk” with him again, I’d vote not for a tightening of whatever rules the two of you have but more of a clarification and with the purpose of whatever it’s gonna take for you (more than him) to be emotionally comfortable with this… arrangement. I’d even go as far as to think about eliminating the double standard, not with ultimatums, but with a grown-up understanding that if he feels justified in having sex with others and you shouldn’t get bent about it, then he shouldn’t even think about getting bent when you’re wanting it from someone else you find desirable or fuckable. Don’t take this the wrong way but this is how grown-ups really handle this because the one thing that’s clear here is that getting upset about it is counterproductive and even destructive to what has been, up to this point, a damned good thing for everyone involved.

        Not that I’m trying to tell you how to handle your business but I’ve found myself in this particular situation too many times. You are more than capable of enabling a scorched earth policy on this… but are you… would you… be doing the right thing for yourself if you did? I somehow do not think so.

    • Pyx says:

      * Not sure where this reply will show up but it is in response to your last comment.

      Now what? Well I am still in a status of on hold till he actually pops back up to talk to me, however the longer that takes the more I figure things out alone for myself – hence cynical pyx is actually cynical for a reason. This is not new to me, on some level we all know its there but the shock of it still has impact when it happens:
      I want to be perfectly clear when I say this, I have always been poly (open) and not 24hrs before his date with this woman we did have a ‘talk’ that ended with me saying “ I am very happy with what we have” and him saying “me too” we were on the same page with not changing a thing.

      What changes in 24hrs other than the presentation of a willing open mouth?
      I have no answers to any of my question or my feelings because he remains silent as of this moment.

      My husband and me make up the rules and set the standard/example for others who get involved – PC and me set the rules for our part of the relationship – there will be no threesome in bed or in having the talk. I do not talk to my husband about what goes on with PC, they have a friendship and I will not impact that in any way.

      I have not denied that I love PC have I? My husband of course aware he is the one that started calling PC my boyfriend and knows that this is very much a two partnership thing going on: his words not mine. I of course do not hold any of this against a reader for being unaware I do not write about every little thing we talk about because I still like to maintain some privacy. Nor do I mean to take out any frustrations on you – I like that other people with the same experiences speak up because I have never been in this particular situation so from those who have, I might learn something.

      I really can’t deal with this emotional stuff my instinct honestly: if I cannot figure it out or kill it I just clean cut walk away. It would make you fall on your ass backwards what I have walked away from in my life … so perhaps be a bit careful with me since I am shifting from ‘the way I have always done things pyx’ to ‘the one that has been trying to be more aware of feelings pyx’ LOL I am tender at the moment Kdaddy and I don’t like it. My fight and flight instincts are a bit confused right now…
      but there are certain unwavering truths to my being, and sexual politics is one.

      If this relationship ends over the politics of a blow job, it would suck (lol) but none of that was my choice. People with complex emotional systems can come up with a million reasons as to why they might have done something, driven by what they were feeling and certainly lets all agree we do make mistakes – but I am far too logical, my issues is with the duplicity I have been presented with.

      never before have I been so invested in tying myself to another human being emotionally (as limited as I am) to have been shown such a discourtesy: casual sexual partners, yes but the more serious variety no, this is actually a first. From this I too will learn…

      I am actually far too curious to be too upset and struggling with a desire to write a paper on the endeavour simply from a first person perspective sexually and other areas where i have come in to contact with (war zones). Interesting stuff …

      • kdaddy23 says:

        Being at a tender moment is certainly understandable… but, if I may ask, did you and PC agree to exclusivity with each other? Ah, man, being poly is such a complex situation, unlike just being open is… but even being poly isn’t without its rules and deciding if your poly relationships with others will be open or closed. If you leave it open, both people leave themselves open to shit happening that, on the surface, is innocent but turns out to be otherwise because you just weren’t detailed enough about this – a lot of people make that mistake and even I made a form of this faux pax – you live and learn but the devil’s really in the details – and a lot of people get tripped up by the double standard because they didn’t think it would be necessary to guard against it, as it were.

        Did you screw the pooch for not doing the logical thing and, at the very least, put exclusivity on the table? Yeah, you did and he failed in not asking you how you felt about it even if it never crossed your mind at the time – but again, people make this mistake and more so if they believe that they won’t develop “real feelings” for their poly partner… which is the second mistake some folks make.

        Trust is one thing but even explicit trust isn’t without its rules and if no one speaks to them, it’s all too easy to assume that they are not in effect until something like this happens. If this relationship of yours ended because of a blow job, I would be surprised because I believe you’re smarter and more mature than that but I would also be very surprised if you didn’t put your foot down on PC about this one and ensure that it won’t happen again or make him aware of the consequences of his actions if he wants to keep all of his options open – if he can, so can you.

        How will he react to this? Damned if I know – this is a very bad spot to be in because you want to avoid being vindictive or appear to be on a quest for revenge… but this is very much about the two of you REALLY understand the terms of your relationship with each other at this point and in no uncertain terms; it’s part from the heart, part business.

        Clarification rather than elimination unless the offense is so intolerable that it cannot be excused or forgiven and to keep in mind that if there’s no rule in place to cover such things, it’s easier to beg forgiveness than it is to ask permission.

        The exact details of your relationship with PC is none of my business but this writing and your reaction tells me that neither one of you thought about this before now. In any event, I hope you keep him and tell him that this double standard disturbs you – and then sit with him to ensure that it never rears its ugly head again.

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