My legs closed instinctively as though my brain had tied my knees together and with my whole body I knew there was a serious problem. The problem is not the sex the problem is a personal one and this is how the reality of it manifests itself:
My mother could never understand why I would blow off my curfew when I knew it would get me in trouble and I answered her honestly: I already know I am 15 minutes late and that I am going to be grounded so why not just stay out the extra three hours?
“She asked if I was still seeing you” he said “hinting at a foursome with your husband”
My brain was so quick to play out the scenario that will never happen: there is simply no way I could have sex with PC in front of my husband. Just the thought of it made me feel awkward and terribly exposed. He then casually informed that he got a “blow job but no actual penetration” from his date – a girl he has had sex with before- so it was no surprise to me that it happened.
Want to know what my honest first thought was?
Blow jobs are penetrative you idiot so why the fuck did you not just not go all the way?
What is the difference between pussy and mouth? They are both wet fleshy holes that accept and hold bacteria. One has teeth and the other metaphorically has jaws… did people just accept Bill Clinton’s redefinition that oral sex isn’t sex?
I am not saying that PC is going to be grounded for getting a blow job from another woman; come on I gave a guy a hand job and let him eat me out over my tights, sex is the last thing that is going to get my panties in a knot. I do appreciate that he even told me at all. I really didn’t think he was going too and I’m glad he did.
A loud voice rang out in my ears, sending a shiver down my right arm: who the fuck asks someone if they are still seeing a girl and then when he says yes … does that come up during the blow job or after? And people think I’m weird.
I felt my cheeks go a bit hot red as though I had been slapped by my own open hand for being the butt end of a joke. Maybe it is funny but I cannot help feeling that I am the punch line.
Odd I know. More than anything I hate feeling humiliated even when it is by strangers.
But that was when my knees locked up but not for the reasons you are thinking.
The laugh track kicked in and every fiber of my being reacted in pure instinct to the duplicity I was hit with. Just a couple of weeks ago I called off a diner date with a man that I had no intentions of having sex with (and we have no sexual history) because it made PC uncomfortable: at which point we (PC and Me) both once again communicated that sexually we are not going to involve other people unless it is us together. My intentions where honest and sincere, it was going to just be dinner but PC’s feelings are more important than steak (yes it is okay to swoon and faint a little here) so I chose to cancel the dinner date. There is another important but private instance that even in a fantasy context correlates with this sentiment but you are going to have to take my word for it; the impact of what he was feeling makes this all the more
Now my face is numb it is so red hot and my writing skills go downhill,
It is okay for him to out for dinner with a girl but it is not okay for me to go out to dinner with a guy?
Even though they had a sexual history I did not once feel uneasy or protest them going out: he said they were just going out as friends to get out of the house and he really wanted sushi.
So now it is okay that his dinner lead to sexual contact but the idea of it happening on my date was…
I keep having to get up and walk around a little bit because I cannot believe this is coming from him. I tend to think better when I am standing up but I am honestly surprised enough to have to write this out. When are men going to get it through their fucking thick skulls – you can’t have it both ways!
He should have fucked her …
This messes things up so much for me because now I have two options;
I said “you can bet I am going out on my dinner date now” and all he could say was “I know” but where would that put me? Where would that put my date? Certainly I would still like to think I would enjoy his company and a steak dinner but after previously canceling the reason would be to do what exactly? Level the playing field?
‘Oh my bf went out and got sushi and a blow job so now it’s my turn’ This is not a fucking economic policy! And how tacky would that be … seriously.
Of course knowing that if I do go out for dinner with a guy it will hurt his feelings and this puts me in a place that I am starting to resent already. I should not have to prove this point to anyone especially a man, in particular this man, because what… guys can be just friends with girls (clearly not) but girls cannot handle just being friends OR casual sex?
Me, because I am the woman, am I expected to be all grown up and motherly by taking the ‘emotionally sensitive’ high ground and not go out with men, even platonically, because he is struggling with feelings?! I should consider the whole while he got to just consider busting a nut?
Fuckity fuck fuck fucking mother fuck cock sucking ass munching fuccccccccccccck.
I loathe this kind of crap.