“Would you like to go out, maybe have dinner and then sex?”
You would think I had just shot the man in the ball sack. Not only did he think I was joking/pulling his leg that I would go out with him (let alone ask) but he honestly thought that I was setting him up for some cruel prank: set a date and not show or my great aunt would die just hours before or just have the steak dinner and not follow through with the sex. Of course he made it clear he would still buy me dinner, it was worth it to ‘sit across the table from you’ but he asked me three times if I was serious about the sex.
I started getting a bit annoyed, that I had to convince him, to believe me.
I have had guys tell me plenty of time how they wish a woman would just walk up to them at the bar and say ‘want to come home with me’ but you see I am the sort of girl that has done that very thing and was met with equal suspicion. The poor guy at the bar was so freaked out that he insisted on buying me a drink. He was sure his friends were setting him up for failure somehow (did ‘so and so’ tell you to come over here?) and had even asked me if I was really a guy: were you born a woman?
Sometimes you cannot win with guys. I often believe cave women were the ones with clubs dragging men back to the hut because just coming out and pointing back to the pile of fur does not work when it needs explaining.
Yes the fantasy is there but when confronted with the ‘sexually aggressive female reality’ the male coin purse does shrivel a bit because it is so rare that it happens one has simply accepted it as the thing urban legends are made of. It is so hard to believe that it happened at all, to any man, but the story is told and passed on from generation to generation of young males with a sliver of hope that someday ‘that could be me’ I bet cave men sat around the fire at night telling each other the same story.
In all honestly I had not even gotten aggressive yet.
“Of course I would love to go out with you. You do not even have to have sex with me but that would be pretty fucking awesome” he said.
“Okay don’t ruin by talking about it too much. You pick the place and I will wear some nice soft stocking for you to fondle under the table” I was now beginning to get aggressive; he has a stocking fetish I can appreciate.
What? I really want steak…and I am ovulating so I really want to have sex.
“OMG seriously I am so hard right now” he said.
“OMG. Seriously. I am looking at the menu page right now – so am I” I joked back but I was actually looking at the menu page.
We had been planning to go out for a while and for whatever reason we never set the date and time. I got tired of it coming up every time we talked he would casually mention ‘so when are we going to go out for that steak dinner?’ and ‘we need to set a date for that steak dinner’ but because we were both being far too polite with one another it never got penciled in.
“Panties?” he asked.
“Wow you are really not going to let me leave much to the imagination are you – just keep talking about it and ruin all the fun” but the idea that panties might not be there was now planted.
All you can eat salad bar here I come!
“I am smiling right now so big. I can’t believe I am going to get to have time with you alone” he is terribly honest like this but it is actually sincere which would make me feel bad if it weren’t for the red meat on the menu.
I am joking but I am not. You see even on a date, by virtue of who pays the bill, there is an exchange being made. Sex is never a for sure thing on a date but there is hope for it; there is no ignoring it, like a stinky bowl of Brussels sprouts on the table guys are paying for the chance of having sex with you.
We men and ladies have been exchanging dates/movies/food for sex or the hope of, for so long that I defy a woman to tell me she has not put out after a first date ‘because, well, he was nice and he did pay for the dinner bill and left a big tip’ Hell I went to a cheap Tuesday night movie date (five buck theatre) and had McDonald’s for dinner and I still put out!
If we were to travel back in time I bet we would see small groups of cave women living together with 20 kids running around that shared similar features – because the men that survived the hunt and brought back meat got laid.
They then left to hunt again and perhaps brought their next kill to another group of women on the other side of the mountain, but there was always another group of nomadic hunters stopping in to trade with the first group of women. Food and sex is an arrangement that has allowed women and kids to survive and men to pass on their genes.
What comes with age, experience and the modern age?
The menu options.