The news came at the worst time possible for me but I feel I took it all rather well. My grandfather, the man who raised me before my step father stood in place passed away. The only thing I could say during the phone call was that it was a good thing and thank you – he went to take a nap and never woke up. I was truly thankful that he, unlike so many, got to go the way we all wish we could. I quickly convinced myself that he was having a good dream and it is one he obviously will not wake from.
Custom dictates that regardless of my distance I still follow my family’s traditions, I am not only ambassadress to them and our ways but I stand on my own qualities as a woman. I covered all the mirrors and my husband drove me to a church I had chosen out of town. I walked off on this faith ages ago but it is important to them and most importantly to my grandfather. I found it strangely soothing, to have something to do with myself right after the phone call, other than sit at home in the dark and think on my loss.
God the smell of a Catholic Church brought back years of Sunday’s at my grandfather’s side. I was comforted by it all, the organ player practicing and the candles flickering on their own without a care of burning the place down. I had the pews to myself, my husband waited outside and I chose my spot right up front, as if that I was my place all along and I had a right to it – why change things now. I said my words, lit a candle and returned home.
I do not want for much. My needs are universal in that I need what all people need in order for my body to survive but to live a life there are desires that must thrive. For a week I put all of that aside and kept my head empty. My boyfriend was out of town, my husband was working extra shifts and I was home alone. I had no dreams, only when my hands stopped doing something did my eyes water so I kept the radio on twenty four hours a day. I did not have sex and I did not masturbate. I did not surf the internet, I did not watch porn, I did not even play my xbox. For a week I floated in a void, for Catholics purgatory, till my grandfather was in the ground and I was once again able to see my own reflection in the mirror.
I have lived my life so far in contrast to social norms and it is beautiful. I know looking at myself as I do that when my life ends it will be the same, perhaps a few good men along my side or maybe even alone but I regret nothing. For all the bad I have done I have tried to do three times as much good, as if it were a mathematical certainty they would cancel each other out and leave me with a balance of zero in all the columns at my end.
And there in the dark he kissed me, as he has never kissed me before – for a very long time – there was tenderness to it, some sort of affection that I he has never shown me. My dear husband let me be without concern for his needs for weeks and now together it was not about him at all. I had to accept that perhaps I needed it, this softness, this concern, this attention and that he needed it too. I would normally have been suspicious of it, we have a way with each other that is far more direct but he came to it all rather sincerely.
After he was done kissing me he undressed me, not our usual approach, and he then put his head between my legs and kissed me some more. There was no talking, hardly a word was spoken, his cock was deliciously hard having two weeks’ worth of cum saved up for me. His flesh was soft and warm in my arms as he brought me to a light peaceful orgasm. I took his hard on in my mouth and he continued to lick at me softly while I did the same to him.
I took my place over him and it felt like home to have him inside me again. Tension, pain, and sadness were gone for a time and I was happy. He stopped me, his hands on my hip ‘wait stay still just a moment’ he said ‘your pussy is so hot that it makes it hard not to cum’. I sat still a few seconds and moved myself carefully ‘but I want you to cum, I have been weeks without you and it inside me. Empty’ I said.
He came with such force I felt it in my throat and I smiled, my insides hot and wet. “I’m sorry if that was too soon” he said. I had to laugh and honestly tell him ‘it was perfect, it is never about how long with you. That was simply amazing’ I put myself back down on my pillow and he got up to get a drink and when he came back he put his head on my belly and laid there a while. It felt awkward, not something he has ever done, but then again I have to think that maybe I had never given him this chance. I don’t much come off as the vulnerable type, loss and mourning takes me away from myself, and I am glad he got to see it and was here with me.
That is some rather powerful magic he has, enough to change what it is I show him from here on out.