I’m sorry what?


There is any number of porn categories to watch and for whatever reason the attraction is there – this no one can deny. I personally find sex with food to be a turn off but I also have a garden of large cucumbers going to waste so who is to say a lady should not put it to good use instead of tossing in the refuse bin. I accept that others enjoy it and it is available as an option for entertainment to others. I laugh to think there is a branch of vegans out there speaking up for the rights of the sexually molested food of the world but I grew up willing to offer my Brussel sprouts to those starving children in Africa; I always ended up having to eat them.

Now before you bolt to make yourself a salad let us get this out of the way, I am a woman, this also cannot be denied. A huge part of a female’s sexual awareness before we are sexually active includes the dangers and possibilities of rape; though I do not want to get into the whole education be it social, media portrayal and facts, it is there as a real part of our sexuality. I wish no one have to be victim to such a thing and though I am a huge supporter of the justice system I have witnessed its failures in this regard. A reality in part of our sexuality that deals with the realities of rape is personal: the system does not save us, taking preventative measures almost feels like admitting we are guilty of the crime before it was committed against us because a huge part of the lesson early on is being aware we can be raped is par for the course of being a woman. I do not condone nor do I support any rape – and it is a sad state of affairs that I should have to write such a thing but this is the internet.

With that said I certainly understand the fetish of its portrayal as I understand the women who share the same fantasy the same way I understand the fetishizing of things we fear or deny ourselves. I would prefer we find a term other than ‘rape’ for the fantasy because it is not rape but that would in turn ruin a part of the fantasy non? I have been told all my life I cannot have everything my way so be it. Rape is out there, as a real thing and for some it is a fantasy.

The first rule I use when approaching a porn video clip is that chances are great the person uploading the video has changed the title or explanation of the video content to gain more hits; some sites might prefer you use the term ‘rough’ or ‘forced’ instead of rape but that does not make the content ‘against her will’ different than the rape fantasy. I cannot tell you how many videos I have clicked on that were labeled ‘funny’ only to see something not funny. Just because the video is titled rape does not mean it is – got it.

But what do you do when you watch a video that goes beyond the fantasy and perhaps might very well be evidence of an actual crime? How do we know?

Is it a slow creeping dark feeling that comes over us, that something we have just seen is not what we expected? Sad commentary indeed that we have an actual accounting for what fantasy rape is in a video but if it ‘feels’ different or wrong does that make it real?

Could it be that this woman and those men are such great actors, deserving of an academy award that had me believe it was real? Because if ever I was to imagine myself being witness to such a horrific scenario I believe I have just watched the video of it.

Is there a greater chance of my believing it might very well be a legitimate video of an actual rape (because we cannot deny that people have posted videos online of other crimes they commit including murder) because there is a demand for rape as entertainment?

Am I more inclined to believe this is a real rape video because they are not North American, they are not white and clearly it is being filmed in a country other than my own? Women are raped in my country and I know for a fact those that have committed the crime took video and shared it but those videos are not shared on a million websites is it because the law of the land applies to some of this country’s internet access or is it because a crime was reported so they know what to look for and scrubbed the content.

The report abuse button – does one push it? Or does one quickly click off the video and erase the computers internet history so it goes away? And what are my options, report this video but not that one? How do I decide – I do not own the internet.

Certainly we want to watch things that give us a sense of authenticity. We want to feel as though we are on the Serengeti with the lions because watching a nature show with cut out paper lions would be less inspiring. We demanded this reality in our news reporting, particularly during a time of war when seeing means witnessing and means it is real – it happened. How else do you get people to move to action!

It would stand to reason we want the same reality with our sexual videos: speaking only for myself I want to see a female have a real orgasm, I enjoy home made movies of couples enjoying each other and I love a good blooper video.

When I was younger there was a video going around school The Many Faces of Death, everybody was sharing the VHS, and by the time I got it the thing was so gritty you had to sit nose against the TV to see anything at all but those were real people being killed. The internet is full of vidoes of people dying horrifically, murder and other physical mutilations – rape and incest has found its place in there too. So how can I say those videos are there and should not be removed but these particular ones should?

I certainly do not go looking for many faces of death because I don’t want to see some guy get his head blown off by firing squad but I do not want to watch a woman being raped either. I have watched videos that were in the category page of rape; did we just assume that it is not real rape, no one would really post a video of that, but dead babies are okay? Where did that line get drawn in my sand? How do I know what I am watching isn’t real? Should I feel something watching this – I am after all a woman watching another woman being violated against her will.

In order for me to watch those things I have to accept there are things I might not want to watch, and long ago, being a woman and all, it came with the territory: for me to have these rights and freedoms others must have some rights and freedoms I might not agree with.

It does not bother me when a man I know watches a video labeled rape, or rough, or against her will, or in the category ‘woman in her place’ and I have no problem with the fake death snuff videos either, like veggies they are not my thing. I prefer someone not being subjected to a crime or humiliation in the making of that video – but in essence that is rape – I have to accept that I understand the pathology behind the actual crime and it’s place in the fetish fantasy.

What I cannot resolve in my head is hearing “I watch them (the videos) to see if they are real”

To what end?!!

I feel I have no logical defense to argue anymore, the online news sources are filled every day with dead people from all around the world – they are never white North American people mind you but I am told that we do not see bodies of school shooting victims or the like because it is a secure crime scene – as if that is somehow a justification for death and human atrocity as entertainment.

We are truly some sick mother fuckers.

I included.

One comment on “I’m sorry what?

  1. kdaddy23 says:

    Qui, we are some sick motherfuckers indeed…

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