I have never been to Kansas

3312242030_b05f4790c5I can be in the midst of a deep thought about my lover and notice a new white hair in my husband’s beard and switch gears to take in that moment and smile. It can be weird, having your mind on someone you have a great fondness for while in the room with another, but if I did not come to find a way to prioritize things it would end in disaster.

One of my top priorities is my marriage, to ensure that my husband is not on the receiving end of something I am going through with someone else.  Sorry let me rephrase that; one of my top priorities is to ensure my husband is not subject to something negative not of his doing but he is often the one to benefit from the good. Better.

Some people like to throw around the sentiment that love is about the good and the bad times, yes that is true I could not agree more. However I have chosen to multiply that by two or three, my husband is very much an arbiter of my personal fulfillment and like a good salesmen I take care to ensure the good is ten times better than the bad. Sometimes I have to swallow the suck and wear a smile – I chose this and it’s not his fault, not even I would live with a husband moping around over someone else.

Oh I could argue that being in love with more than one person at a time is perfectly reasonable, natural even, but the navigation and execution of it is nothing short of self-discipline and training. I am not faking a smile, I am choosing to put myself where I need to be and there is plenty to smile about.

I have NEVER denied my husband sex, hand to God. I have been in full REM cycle and if that is when he comes to bed and I find a hand under my night shirt, so be it. I am not a sexual slave to his needs by any means, trust that I run the three ring circus around here, but I actually do love and desire my husband above all others.

We are not always going to be at the race gate the exact same moment, and there are times I really really want to have sex with him and he is either at work or too tired from work or not feeling well. I would be a fool to push him away just because I have a bit of drool on my chin (in fact he might like that I dont know).

There are huge parts of me that are jaded when it comes to customary relationships and sex; I have heard my father bemoan my mother for ‘not wanting it’ and how often do I read ‘sexless marriage’. I know it happens but I will be damned if my husband thinks for one second I do not want to have sex with him or worse he thinks I don’t want too because I have already fucked someone else. Being with someone else fuels my desires for my husband it does not take away and the proof is I never deny us sex with each other.

It’s not romantic but we have a saying around here, pussy does not wear out, cock however you sometimes only get one shot. Oh come now, smile, its true! I would be ungrateful to turn down a perfectly respectable hard on regardless of the hour.

I am sure it is difficult to be my husband or boyfriend on the best of days but when you are in love with a second man, and there has been a misunderstanding or hes blue, how do you ensure that does not come home with you?

You don’t, it comes home with you.

This is not like a bad day at the office where you get to bitch to your mate and toss a few plates around with their sympathy. If I brought my other relationship issues in to my marriage my husband would look at me and say ‘enough’ because my lover is not paying the bills so he, my husband, doesn’t need to suck it up and deal.

I love my second partner as ardently as my first, I am empathetic to what he is going through but I have to always be situational aware, and if I am at home with my husband than that is where I need to be. The average person believes they can multitask and I do not for a moment condone multitasking people or their feelings and it is wrong to make someone in a relationship miserable for the actions of another.

I do have a choice to communicate an issue with my husband but I cannot control the outcome of his reaction – I have to assess the ‘issue’ is it worth communicating to my husband, there is no guarantee of his reaction and there are not many husband’s out there that want to be the ear a girl talks too about another guy. It’s a delicate balance of diplomacy for all involved (my second might not want my husband to know and heaven forbid I change the way in which my husband sees my lover).

The Good Doctor was spectacular in this regard, he was often my confident about my secondary lover, and there were times where it was the Good Doctor who defended the actions of a secondary lover and sway me to forgiveness. Yeah he was that spectacular and he is held in higher regard for it.

I don’t know how others experience fulfillment but for me I overflow with a kind of good that makes me want to grab other people and share with them – it’s not sexual. I laugh more, I smile more, I am lighter. When my little triad exists and is working, even the stray cats benefit! When it is just me and my husband I still feel content, I look at my husband and we are still here, happy and together.

None of it was a dream.


One comment on “I have never been to Kansas

  1. Tippy Gnu says:

    I’m glad it’s all working out. Being married and having a lover seems to me like it would be very challenging. But when you can make it work and everyone’s happy with the situation, then I’ll bet the rewards make the effort worth it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s