Send me the link!

I get really nervous when someone I am intimate with asks me to share the link to porn I am watching. First I feel that they might assume I am watching Martha Stewart get it on with a group of Japanese investors or one of those ‘made by girls for girls’ things; that is an assumption on my part. I mean you guys know a lot of girls are down right gross and dirty right?


Secondly I feel the need to send a warning, like begging in advance ‘please don’t hate me’ and I feel that if I need to ask someone to promise me something before I share it, its not a good sign. Either I am going to trust them or not – that comes with the possibility of them blocking me from any future contact and sending Jehovah to my door with a car full of Mormons.

Then I work up the guts to send something in the middle of my private treasure chest collection because thirdly, and this is a big deal, if they respond back they like it and want to try it it might change how i feel about them. I know; don’t judge me but I am going to judge you.

If I am not gagging, turned on and pissing myself laughing while watching it, its not porn to me!

I collect some rare oddities, I have no idea why a white woman ridding a black mans cock whilst eating a turkey drum stick is pleasing to me, but it is. Nor have I gone out and purchased a turkey drum stick but its one of my prized clips and it is rated tame in my pile of goodies.

Maybe I am nervous that if they like it and we try something I might like it. I mean it could bring a whole new tradition to thanksgiving dinners at the Chateau.

P.S. I would watch Martha with a group of guys while she bakes cookies.

I had to know the day would come …




You show them options on being strong independent women and one day they ask you questions, and not the easy ‘why is the sky blue’ kind of questions. I mean I took the girl out for her first tattoo clearly that was not enough.

I never much prescribed to the notion that kids are clueless to what is going on around them, I have seen a six year old work out some rather complicated situations even with a basic understanding,  it is why I vowed to never stay with someone for the sake of the kids and my lovers were all in a different state and never in my family home.

The problem isn’t sex at all, I have always maintain an open door policy on that because there is nothing embarrassing about our bodies, our needs and our sexuality. I wish she had a question about my sexual history, that’s easy.

It’s a question about my religious history and I am actually nervous as coming off as a nice person. Funny that, I am comfortable being the bad guy, but being found out to be nice … scary.

I think the answer will be in the delivery, I told her I needed time to figure out how to put it all together and I am opting for written word so I do not get off topic and stray from the point of the story which is this;

I had to look at myself in the mirror everyday for the rest of my life, I had to choose what it was I wanted to see and what was I willing to live with on my shoulders and I look at myself in the mirror everyday with a smile on my face.

Stage One Follies


I am still in that first blissful stage of ‘getting to know all about you’ …

When the exploration is endless and the talking is the beginnings of a manual on ‘how to love me’ with footnotes and appendices included.

My girlfriend could be telling me her dog died and I am sitting there with a grin on my face that no one is be privy to it’s import and yes it begins to even offend me.  Wash your face and read current political news all I want, it will not go away.

Given this instantaneous technology one could easily mistake the quick texts, small emails and handful of selfies as cute or a testament to his affection but I have to admit it makes me uneasy because I don’t buy into it.

No, I get emails that are planned out days in advance, that require a road trip to capture an image of a particular place, sometimes 3 or 4 pages long and for the past 12 weeks not a one has gone by without, even after spending hours together.

Honestly I have always found a talkative lover soothing, it means I don’t have to talk as much and I can spend the time watching them and listening to them make love to me with every word.

Incoming text # 9821


Him: just laying here in bed and was thinking of you, wanted to say goodnight.

Moi: that is sweet of you … wait you were thinking of me while laying in bed?

Him: yes I was on Pinterest and you came to mind

Moi: I have heard some really fucked up shit about what guys do in bed with me in mind but this takes the cake: I’m sure you can look those up on pinterest too. Sicko. What kind of pervert do you think I am. Go to bed!

Him: I love being able to get you all worked up.



He is the first man she will ever love and he will have an impact on her future choices in partners  …   dad

To the Good Doctor who raised our daughter and saw her through high school without a pregnancy,  a drug addiction, or having been arrested by his virtues of compassion, patience, commitment and unconditional love;


And to father’s who make real sacrifices for their children and often go without, a sincere huzzah! to you too in this graduation season. As parents we have to take the victories where we can.

Well done G.D.



Morning Duplicity


A Moment of Beauty on this Day

I have always considered myself very fortunate to have lovers and partners that were my greatest ally and confidant. I have great difficult opening up and trusting someone with all of me, but the five times I have, I  found it to be a most rewarding experience; I managed to attain a level of contentment that allowed me the opportunity to express my otherwise protected passions and self.

With that said I admit that given this rare personal occurrence of ultimate confidence in someone else the risk of my being disappointed is most assured.  I also know I have disappointed others but without having experienced this kind of loss how else am I to appreciate the value of something divine when it is presented to me.

There are still times where I wake up in the middle of a dream and find myself angry at the Good Doctor and feeling betrayed but I force myself back to sleep and choose to remember a good memory of him so that I can go about the rest of my day without anger in my lungs. More importantly so I can go about the rest of my life in peace and not making my new partner pay for the sins of the past.

Once I have committed myself to someone a part of them is with me forever, even once they are physically and emotionally gone I keep a piece of them tucked away safely in my pocket.  I have to work at keeping  the good parts of them; something that makes me smile, something that makes me blush, something that reminds me of why I loved them to begin with.

Sometimes there are mornings when I am taking my coffee outside, watching the sun come up over the tree line, that I will let myself remember the whole memory of them of us; for a handful of seconds I will love them unconditionally, acknowledge the hurt and let myself miss them.

And just like that the sun is up, a new day begins with a smile and a renewed commitment to let myself love someone else all over again; ardently and with wild abandon because to not do so is to deny myself fulfillment and why would I do that.

Have you seen Helmut?

I had recently given in to the whole virtual APP textual flirting thing and had gotten so worked up; on Monday I called a friend. If this technology is going to be used as a form of virtual foreplay why not use a smart phone to actually call someone – smart.

True to form I must find a way to complicate things for myself.  I chose to deny myself cock till I was in a position to have the one I wanted and that had gotten me worked up – I called pussy in its place. I am a straight shooter and gave her the facts: till I can have sex with this guy do you wanna?

“Oh yes, lets” she replied: a friend indeed.

My intention was to enjoy a long make out session while the hockey game was on in the background, relieve myself of sexual build up tension and she did not disappoint, we managed a lovely night of oral delight that lasted well into the morning. Tuesday morning I got home in a blissful state of soreness, my hips and legs still limber but lightly burning from a night of being wrapped around my friend and holding on for dear life.

We girls are not always so soft and tender with one another but as always I love the little things in life; calling a friend about a missing vibrator is no different than calling them for a recipe:

Me: Hi, I know you’re at work but got a second?

Her: For you, more than one.

Me: Don’t stop but I cannot find my vibrator Helmut.

Seen him recently by any chance?

Her: Last I saw, I used him on you at the kitchen table Tuesday morning.

It’s probably still at the cottage (laughter)

Me: Not a big deal, what’s so funny?

Her: My parents are going to be there today!

Me: Lovely.