Send me the link!

I get really nervous when someone I am intimate with asks me to share the link to porn I am watching. First I feel that they might assume I am watching Martha Stewart get it on with a group of Japanese investors or one of those ‘made by girls for girls’ things; that is an assumption on my part. I mean you guys know a lot of girls are down right gross and dirty right?

darwin

Secondly I feel the need to send a warning, like begging in advance ‘please don’t hate me’ and I feel that if I need to ask someone to promise me something before I share it, its not a good sign. Either I am going to trust them or not – that comes with the possibility of them blocking me from any future contact and sending Jehovah to my door with a car full of Mormons.

Then I work up the guts to send something in the middle of my private treasure chest collection because thirdly, and this is a big deal, if they respond back they like it and want to try it it might change how i feel about them. I know; don’t judge me but I am going to judge you.

If I am not gagging, turned on and pissing myself laughing while watching it, its not porn to me!

I collect some rare oddities, I have no idea why a white woman ridding a black mans cock whilst eating a turkey drum stick is pleasing to me, but it is. Nor have I gone out and purchased a turkey drum stick but its one of my prized clips and it is rated tame in my pile of goodies.

Maybe I am nervous that if they like it and we try something I might like it. I mean it could bring a whole new tradition to thanksgiving dinners at the Chateau.

P.S. I would watch Martha with a group of guys while she bakes cookies.

I had to know the day would come …

 

hung

 

You show them options on being strong independent women and one day they ask you questions, and not the easy ‘why is the sky blue’ kind of questions. I mean I took the girl out for her first tattoo clearly that was not enough.

I never much prescribed to the notion that kids are clueless to what is going on around them, I have seen a six year old work out some rather complicated situations even with a basic understanding,  it is why I vowed to never stay with someone for the sake of the kids and my lovers were all in a different state and never in my family home.

The problem isn’t sex at all, I have always maintain an open door policy on that because there is nothing embarrassing about our bodies, our needs and our sexuality. I wish she had a question about my sexual history, that’s easy.

It’s a question about my religious history and I am actually nervous as coming off as a nice person. Funny that, I am comfortable being the bad guy, but being found out to be nice … scary.

I think the answer will be in the delivery, I told her I needed time to figure out how to put it all together and I am opting for written word so I do not get off topic and stray from the point of the story which is this;

I had to look at myself in the mirror everyday for the rest of my life, I had to choose what it was I wanted to see and what was I willing to live with on my shoulders and I look at myself in the mirror everyday with a smile on my face.

Stage One Follies

 

I am still in that first blissful stage of ‘getting to know all about you’ …

When the exploration is endless and the talking is the beginnings of a manual on ‘how to love me’ with footnotes and appendices included.

My girlfriend could be telling me her dog died and I am sitting there with a grin on my face that no one is be privy to it’s import and yes it begins to even offend me.  Wash your face and read current political news all I want, it will not go away.

Given this instantaneous technology one could easily mistake the quick texts, small emails and handful of selfies as cute or a testament to his affection but I have to admit it makes me uneasy because I don’t buy into it.

No, I get emails that are planned out days in advance, that require a road trip to capture an image of a particular place, sometimes 3 or 4 pages long and for the past 12 weeks not a one has gone by without, even after spending hours together.

Honestly I have always found a talkative lover soothing, it means I don’t have to talk as much and I can spend the time watching them and listening to them make love to me with every word.

Incoming text # 9821

4fc2812e256cb6822ec7c6dd598d6e66

Him: just laying here in bed and was thinking of you, wanted to say goodnight.

Moi: that is sweet of you … wait you were thinking of me while laying in bed?

Him: yes I was on Pinterest and you came to mind

Moi: I have heard some really fucked up shit about what guys do in bed with me in mind but this takes the cake: I’m sure you can look those up on pinterest too. Sicko. What kind of pervert do you think I am. Go to bed!

Him: I love being able to get you all worked up.

 

Huzzah!

He is the first man she will ever love and he will have an impact on her future choices in partners  …   dad

To the Good Doctor who raised our daughter and saw her through high school without a pregnancy,  a drug addiction, or having been arrested by his virtues of compassion, patience, commitment and unconditional love;

Huzzah!

And to father’s who make real sacrifices for their children and often go without, a sincere huzzah! to you too in this graduation season. As parents we have to take the victories where we can.

Well done G.D.

 

 

Morning Duplicity

thepyxlake

A Moment of Beauty on this Day

I have always considered myself very fortunate to have lovers and partners that were my greatest ally and confidant. I have great difficult opening up and trusting someone with all of me, but the five times I have, I  found it to be a most rewarding experience; I managed to attain a level of contentment that allowed me the opportunity to express my otherwise protected passions and self.

With that said I admit that given this rare personal occurrence of ultimate confidence in someone else the risk of my being disappointed is most assured.  I also know I have disappointed others but without having experienced this kind of loss how else am I to appreciate the value of something divine when it is presented to me.

There are still times where I wake up in the middle of a dream and find myself angry at the Good Doctor and feeling betrayed but I force myself back to sleep and choose to remember a good memory of him so that I can go about the rest of my day without anger in my lungs. More importantly so I can go about the rest of my life in peace and not making my new partner pay for the sins of the past.

Once I have committed myself to someone a part of them is with me forever, even once they are physically and emotionally gone I keep a piece of them tucked away safely in my pocket.  I have to work at keeping  the good parts of them; something that makes me smile, something that makes me blush, something that reminds me of why I loved them to begin with.

Sometimes there are mornings when I am taking my coffee outside, watching the sun come up over the tree line, that I will let myself remember the whole memory of them of us; for a handful of seconds I will love them unconditionally, acknowledge the hurt and let myself miss them.

And just like that the sun is up, a new day begins with a smile and a renewed commitment to let myself love someone else all over again; ardently and with wild abandon because to not do so is to deny myself fulfillment and why would I do that.

Have you seen Helmut?

I had recently given in to the whole virtual APP textual flirting thing and had gotten so worked up; on Monday I called a friend. If this technology is going to be used as a form of virtual foreplay why not use a smart phone to actually call someone – smart.

True to form I must find a way to complicate things for myself.  I chose to deny myself cock till I was in a position to have the one I wanted and that had gotten me worked up – I called pussy in its place. I am a straight shooter and gave her the facts: till I can have sex with this guy do you wanna?

“Oh yes, lets” she replied: a friend indeed.

My intention was to enjoy a long make out session while the hockey game was on in the background, relieve myself of sexual build up tension and she did not disappoint, we managed a lovely night of oral delight that lasted well into the morning. Tuesday morning I got home in a blissful state of soreness, my hips and legs still limber but lightly burning from a night of being wrapped around my friend and holding on for dear life.

We girls are not always so soft and tender with one another but as always I love the little things in life; calling a friend about a missing vibrator is no different than calling them for a recipe:

Me: Hi, I know you’re at work but got a second?

Her: For you, more than one.

Me: Don’t stop but I cannot find my vibrator Helmut.

Seen him recently by any chance?

Her: Last I saw, I used him on you at the kitchen table Tuesday morning.

It’s probably still at the cottage (laughter)

Me: Not a big deal, what’s so funny?

Her: My parents are going to be there today!

Me: Lovely.